


to build a Home

by Kanae



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, but basically: canon-compliant-fix-it-fic, the slowest slow-burn to have ever slow burned, what would've happened if karin had been honest about her feelings for sasuke, will update the tags as I go!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:16:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26064856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanae/pseuds/Kanae
Summary: In the aftermath of The War, Karin lets Sasuke go, intending to never let him know of her feelings for him. Two years later, a visit from Sasuke reminds her that things never seem to go the way she wants them to; specially not when Suigetsu's involved.
Relationships: (glimpses of) Naruto/Hinata, (one-sided) Sakura/Sasuke, Hoozuki Suigetsu & Juugo & Karin, Karin/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Team Hebi | Team Taka, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 103
Kudos: 91





	1. Prologue: Moondust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re going back to Konoha. Isn’t that right, Sasuke-kun?”
> 
> Orochimaru’s voice is sharp, knowing. Upsetting.
> 
> His convoluted words make no sense to her ears, and yet she knows them to be true at once. Even before Sasuke finally raises his face; bangs parting to reveal the determined look in his eyes.
> 
> “…Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been in the works since 2014 and I have lost count of how many times I've revised it. But I've realized that I'm not moving on from Naruto until I've gotten this fic out of my system, so here it goes.
> 
> It'll be canon compliant at least up to the Gaiden, so please prepare yourselves for Sasuke and Karin to be dumb and stubborn and take every wrong turn available because who knows how to be happy? Certainly not them.

.

.

.

 **Prologue  
** _Moondust_

.

.

.

She's the one to find him.

He’s covered in bruises and there’s a lump where his left arm used to be. The sight is enough to wreck her with worry—but it’s not what makes Karin’s breath hitch, her toes dig into the ground.

The chakra that greets her Kagura Shingan feels like a sky clearing up after a storm; like hushed conversations around candlelight and promises of tomorrow.

Its warmth makes her skin prickle; makes her chest burn with longing and the closest thing to happiness she has felt since he came back from certain death.

Karin has to dig her nails into her palms to keep relieved tears from falling.

She gives a step towards him, his name brushing her lips—but it dies on her tongue as Sasuke turns back to look at his old team; _I’ll be back_ , he tells them, but Karin knows him well enough to hear the silent request for permission to leave their side.

It makes her stare, wide-eyed and frozen in place; gut growing heavy with a sense of foreboding.

“You’re going back to Konoha. Isn’t that right, Sasuke-kun?”

Orochimaru’s voice is sharp, knowing. Upsetting.

His convoluted words make no sense to her ears, and yet she knows them to be true at once. Even before Sasuke finally raises his face; bangs parting to reveal the determined look in his eyes.

“…Yeah.”

The air around her seems to still; she can hear Suigetsu’s breath catch, can feel the shock rippling through his chakra in waves.

“So, this is it?” He does his best to hide the disbelief behind a dry chuckle and a toothy grin that doesn’t reach his gaze. “This how all your grandiose plans end? With you going back to them?”

Sasuke ignores Suigetsu’s question. Doesn’t look at him long enough to see the grin melt down his face like wax, dark eyes darting to Karin and Juugo instead.

And then, he asks the impossible.

"What will you guys do?"

The question blindsides her; leaves her adrift. It drowns out their voices, until all she can hear are the erratic beatings of her heart.

She looks down at her feet, body growing hot with unease.

Truth is—Karin has never given much thought to what would come after Sasuke’s revenge. The tired, cynical side of her wasn't sure if she'd even _live_ to see it; not with the kind of trouble that seemed to follow Sasuke like a second shadow.

Not with the way she’d give her life for his without a second thought.

And yet—truth is, there was a hopeful side to her. That hopeful, naive side thought there'd be enough time to figure things out once Sasuke's revenge was behind him. That once he could start looking beyond the past and towards the future, there might be a time and a place for honesty.

It’s that side that beats wildly inside her chest, now, clamoring the only truth it has always known; _I want to be by Sasuke's side_. _I want to offer him my mind, a shoulder to lean on, my very heart if only he'd take it_.

_I want to help him be happy again._

"What about you, Karin?” Sasuke calls from far away, turning a curious gaze on her. “What will you do?"

Karin’s throat goes dry.

_‘Karin, you said you had other business to attend to. What will you do?’_

Memories of a lifetime ago wash over her; blur the man standing before her.

_‘Come with me, Karin. I need you.’_

Her fingers shake.

“I…”

It always comes down to that question between them, Karin realizes. _What will you do?_

It has always been so easy to avoid baring herself to him. So easy to find ways for him to mistake her devotion for anything but what it is.

But where she stands now, frozen in place between bittersweet reality and her naive hopes, Karin realizes that she has run out of excuses to give without revealing her heart.

"I—I..."

"Heh, that’s easy. _Oh, Sasuke~ take me with you, I’ll go wherever you go!_ "

Suigetsu’s crude imitation breaks through the haze of her thoughts; leaves her flinching with shame at how true it rings.

And _Sasuke_ —Sasuke just looks at her, slight confusion in his stare.

"You can come if you want to, Karin," he offers, almost cruel in his child-like innocence. Oblivious to the way sweat gathers on Karin’s front; to the way her very being trembles under the kindness in his eyes.

_You can come if you want to._

The proposal sinks in the soft tissue of her flesh; makes the scar of his betrayal bleed again.

It would be so easy to give in. So easy to say yes and lay herself bare to him; to give him the key to figuring out her thoughts, her heart.

But—Karin knows better.

She looks over his shoulder, searching his old team. Naruto is animatedly talking to the man she knows to be their teacher; his chakra so bright and joyful that it’s almost scalding. And the pink-haired girl that saved her life, Sakura—she’s looking at Sasuke like she’s afraid he’ll disappear if she were to take her eyes away from him. Her feelings so transparent, Karin doesn’t even need to feel her chakra to know her heart.

Karin looks back at Sasuke; feels her eyes burn with traitorous, bittersweet tears.

Somehow, despite her gift of perception, Karin had managed to forget Sasuke already has a place to call home.

How stupid of her.

_I should’ve known better._

Out of the two of them, Sasuke’s always been the one to be blinded by his emotions. Karin was supposed to be practical, pragmatic; enough to see anything that might escape his Sharingan.

_That’s… what you needed me for, isn’t it, Sasuke? To watch your back?_

Karin smiles to herself; steels her heart.

_This… is for the best._

Swallows it down.

“There's no way in hell I'm going back to Konoha, those guys locked me up in a cell. Over my dead boy!"

Seals her fate.

“I… see,” Sasuke blinks, taken aback by her outburst.

But he makes no effort to convince her; and Karin convinces herself that the stab of hurt doesn’t feel like disappointment.

“…This is the end of Taka, huh?” Suigetsu stands oddly straight, face set.

Sasuke grows solemn, but he does not postpone the inevitable. “Yeah.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

They turn towards Juugo, who meets all of their eyes in turn. “Even if we aren’t together anymore, we’re still nakama. Right?”

Juugo’s words wrap over them like a blanket. They give Karin respite; make a melancholy smile flit onto her face.

“That’s… so cheesy it makes me kind of sick,” despite his complaint, Suigetsu looks pleased.

“Yeah, you’re right, Juugo,” Sasuke agrees, lips quirked up in a slight smile that soon turns apologetic. “Thanks for putting up with me. Sorry for all the trouble I caused you. I wasn’t exactly the best leader.”

There are shadows dancing in his eyes again. The sight makes Karin’s heart ache—makes her reach out to pull him by the wrist until he’s turned towards her.

“Damn right you weren’t! But we weren’t with you because _you_ wanted us to. We all had our own reasons to follow you, got it?” her eyes harden, fingers squeezing around his skin—because if anything, Karin needs Sasuke to understand this. To at least know this much. “We all made our own choices, Sasuke. Don’t you dare forget that.”

Sasuke holds her eyes for a moment that seems to stretch on forever, the shadows fading from them like smoke after a fire. He parts his lips, closes them—and Karin wonders, then—

_What is it, Sasuke? What is it that you want to say?_

But the moment is gone before she can grasp it, and Sasuke nods.

“… You’re right. Sorry, Karin.”

Somewhere behind them, Suigetsu gags, “Ugh. It’s seriously disgusting to hear you apologize so much.”

It’s the perfect distraction; it lets her slip away from Sasuke before he can notice how badly she wishes she could stay.

Karin lets go of his wrist and seizes Orochimaru’s sleeve instead; pulls on it like a petulant child trying to get her way. Reminds them all that the longer they stay, the harder it'll be to get away.

Everything is a blur afterward.

As they dash through the land and towards the mountains, leaving Sasuke and Kabuto behind, Karin can feel Suigetsu's and Juugo's eyes boring on her back.

Orochimaru's the one to voice the unsaid, falling in step with her with a piercing gaze that Karin wouldn’t dare to mistake for concern.

"Are you sure you've made the right choice, Karin?"

Karin shuts her eyes closed; bites the inside of her cheek.

_‘Don’t go throw yourself in danger at every chance you get like a guy with a death-wish, all right? Bye, Sasuke!’_

_She’s the last to say goodbye. By the time she swallows the lump in her throat and turns to face him, he’s already half-turned towards his old team—his real team. The sight strengthens Karin’s resolve, drowns out her regrets._

_And yet—it takes everything she has to stand her ground when Sasuke looks at her and breaks into a smile, lips stretched across perfect white teeth._

_Just like that day, in that forest, when—_

_Karin holds her breath; carves the moment into her memory just like Sasuke had carved himself a place in her heart._

_‘I won’t,’ he tells her, amusement lighting up his voice. Then, something seems to soften in his stare and he adds, as if on second-thought, ‘See you, Karin.’_

_She turns away before she can see him do the same, heart drumming in her ears._

It’s still drumming in her ears, now. It weakens her barriers, makes her uncharacteristically honest.

“Yeah. He’s going back to where he belongs. There’s… no place for us there.”

What Orochimaru doesn’t understand is that, what Karin wants doesn’t matter. All that’s ever mattered is Sasuke’s happiness, and people as broken as they are can’t give him what he needs. Not the way his old team can.

She can see that, now.

 _If Sasuke can smile like that again… that’s enough_.

Despite the distance they’ve put between themselves and him, Karin can still feel Sasuke’s chakra. She allows herself to bask in it for a moment longer before turning off her Kagura Shingan, a forlorn smile on her lips.

_Goodbye… Sasuke._

Karin looks up at the sky, and breathes.

.

.

.

_I'm building this house, on the moon_  
_Like a lost, astronaut_  
_Lookin' at you, like a star_  
_From a place, the world forgot_  
_And there's nothing, that I can do_  
_Except bury my love for you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honest summary: we were robbed and I'm here to fill in those blanks with SK.
> 
> Throughout this fic, I'll be trying to reconcile the Sasuke (and Naruto, though to a lesser extent) that we were given in Chapter 700 and The Gaiden, with the characters I've always known and loved and what I wanted for them. We'll see whether I manage to keep the balance believable enough!
> 
> (Also, as usual, any negative comments about SasuKarin will be deleted on sight.) 
> 
> **edit** : the incredibly talented Asacchi blessed this chapter with an illustration! Please do check her gorgeous work out [HERE](https://asacchi.tumblr.com/post/627271537231265792/pleaseread-kanaes-fic-her-depiction-of-team) ♥


	2. It Takes a Lot to Know a Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Suigetsu,” Juugo practically begs this time, gaze wary. “If Karin finds out—”
> 
> Suigetsu ignores him. Gives Sasuke a wide, haughty grin that does not reach his eyes.
> 
> “Karin was crazy about you. Is. Whatever. Head over heels. She used to whisper your name whenever she fell asleep guarding me. Oh, Sasuke~Sasukeee! Are you seriously telling me you never noticed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed and left kudos so far! I truly appreciate the support. Here's to hoping this chapter will live up to your expectations.
> 
> And of course: the opinions expressed by the characters aren't necessarily my own lol

**Chapter 1  
_It Takes a Lot to Know a Man_**

.

.

.

Sasuke raises his face to the sky, and sighs.

Traveling without a destination is a leisure he has never had before; a freedom that laid beyond his grasp, back when he was propelled forward by the chains of hatred and revenge.

Ever since he left Konoha almost a year ago, however, he has been content simply going where his feet carry him, only ever hesitating when it comes to crowded villages; places where he could be recognized more easily, attract the sort of attention that he would much rather do without.

Yet, he is also hesitating, now.

_Tch._

It’s not the first time Sasuke has been close to one of Orochimaru’s hideouts. It would be strange if he hadn’t, considering the old Sannin has over a dozen of them spread out throughout the continent.

This one, though—this one is different.

It’s the hideout that Orochimaru has been occupying since the end of the war.

Sasuke knows this not because he asked, or had any real interest to know; but because Kakashi had discussed it with Naruto, and the blond always had a lot to say when it came to Orochimaru.

_‘I wouldn’t go anywhere near him if I were you, Sasuke! That creep was still obsessed with your body, ‘ttebayo!’_

Sasuke had rolled his eyes then, and he nearly does so now. He’s not afraid of Orochimaru; hasn’t been for a long time, now. Still, saying that he feels no inclination to see the man would be an understatement.

Sasuke knows better than anyone that if Orochimaru isn’t causing trouble, it isn’t precisely because he feels the need to repent.

Not to mention, the snake’s parting words still rub him the wrong way.

‘ _Goodbye, Sasuke-kun… I hope you won’t come to regret your choice.’_

Orochimaru had told him, with a smile so sharp at the edges that Sasuke could’ve cut himself on it. Sasuke hadn’t dignified his useless warning with a response, but he would’ve told him to save it if he had.

The way Orochimaru always acted, as if he knew him better than he knows himself, had always gotten on Sasuke’s nerves. He doesn’t think that’s a habit the snake will be shedding anytime soon.

_Still… they might still be with him._

They. The old team he had gathered for himself; Taka.

Sasuke hasn’t heard from them since they parted ways, two years ago. None of them sent any letters while he was in Konoha; not that Sasuke had expected them to. He had made no effort to contact them, either. Between the hospital stay, the never-ending interrogations, the temporary house arrest and all the meetings with the Kage, Sasuke hadn’t found much time to think about them. Naruto and Sakura had not asked any questions, either; knowing them, they probably wanted to forget Sasuke had ever had a team aside from Team 7.

Not that he can blame them.

The time he spent with Taka is not one he is particularly proud of. He let himself be blinded by hatred; gave into the darkness and let it swallow him whole. Taka had stayed loyal to him throughout it all, and he has nothing to reproach them—if anything, they deserved better than the way he treated them when he was at his lowest. Despite this, Taka still are part of memories and mistakes Sasuke is desperately trying to make up for.

…Not everything had been bad, though.

_‘Even if we aren’t together anymore, we’re still nakama. Right?’_

_Nakama, huh…_

As he stands there, hand shielding his eyes from the sun, Sasuke finds himself wondering what they have been doing. If Suigetsu is still looking for the swords; if Juugo has been doing better at keeping his killing urges under control; if Karin is still as much of a whirlwind as she always was.

He snorts at himself, surprised to realize he’s feeling nostalgic.

_I guess making some amends with them couldn’t hurt…_

Sasuke makes up his mind, and sets his pace.

* * *

Juugo is sitting by a tree near the entrance of the hideout, a group of birds happily eating from his outstretched hand. He looks content, peaceful, even; but the contentment morphs into surprise as he notices Sasuke approach.

He’s standing up before Sasuke’s even taken off his hood; the birds flapping their wings as they move to rest on Juugo’s shoulders.

“Sasuke…”

“Hey, Juugo. It’s been a while.”

Hearing his voice seems to wake Juugo from his reverie, and a smile takes to his lips.

“Yeah. It has.”

“You look good,” Sasuke compliments him, honest. The Juugo he remembers was calm but always on edge; constantly worrying about when his urges would get the best of him. The Juugo that stands before him now however looks genuinely serene; has no worry lines creasing his brow.

“Orochimaru has been keeping his promise.”

_‘If you desire, I can help you control your urges, Juugo... there is a place for you at my side, if you choose to come.’_

Sasuke remembers Orochimaru’s tempting offer; one Juugo had not been able to refuse. Not when the alternative was Konoha, a crowded village that could taint his hands even redder were he to go on a rampage.

“Good,” Sasuke glances behind Juugo and into the entrance, but his eyes are greeted by nothing but shadows. “Are Karin and Suigetsu here, too?”

Juugo turns towards the hideout, wordlessly motioning at Sasuke to follow him. The two fall in-step as Juugo explains, “Suigetsu’s running an errand for Orochimaru, he should be back tomorrow. Will you stay the night?”

Sasuke weights the question. Spending the night wasn’t in his plans, but it’s not like he has anywhere else he needs to be. Moreover…

_Now that I’m here, I might as well see what Orochimaru knows about Kaguya and the Ōtsutsuki…_

“…Yeah.”

Juugo looks pleased by his answer.

“What about Karin?” Sasuke asks, as they enter the structure together.

In the dim light of the corridor, Sasuke misses the way Juugo glances at him with something akin to hesitation.

“…She’s here, too. You’ll see her, soon.”

_So, Karin’s here, too, huh…_

The taller man falls silent afterward, but Sasuke doesn’t think anything of it. Instead, he finds himself thinking of tomorrow. With Suigetsu’s arrival, Taka would be reunited; for better or for worse.

Inwardly, Sasuke thinks that it might just be for the better.

If he makes new memories with them, then…

_…I may be able to leave the bad ones behind, for good._

* * *

The room Juugo leads him to is smaller than the one he used to have during his stays, but the bed looks clean and there’s even a small bathroom; it’s more comfort that Sasuke has had in weeks, even if it’s still part of one of the mazes Orochimaru dares to call homes.

Juugo gives him some privacy; stays outside sitting by the window-ledge while Sasuke inspects the room. Still, Sasuke doesn’t bother to fully close the door, intending to waste no time in looking for Orochimaru.

He’s taking off his poncho and laying it on the bed when he hears someone approaching; the flurry of steps so light, he doesn’t recognize them as Karin’s until she speaks.

“I’m back! Hey, Juugo, I figured what essence I’m missing. Think you can ask some of those birds of yours to run an errand for me?”

“Sure,” there’s the rustling of Juugo’s cloak, and then a soft, “Hey, Karin. Sasuke—”

Karin all but groans. “Seriously, Juugo. _Don’t_ start.”

“Don’t start what?”

Now leaning against the threshold, Sasuke watches as Karin freezes; back going ram-rod straight. It’s almost like the redhead hadn’t realized he was there, somehow; as if that were possible with her sensory ability.

“Sasuke…”

“Hey,” it’s rare to see Karin so caught by surprise. The utter shock on her face looks almost comedic on her; it makes the corner of his lips quirk up, turns his voice into something lighter. “It’s been a while, Karin.”

Karin looks just like he remembers her, and yet different all the same, in ways Sasuke can’t quite put his finger on. It’s not the ponytail she’s wearing, or the black dress replacing her guard uniform. That much he knows.

No, rather, it’s something in the way she looks at him; the way the surprise slowly gives way to something soft and hesitant in her eyes, lips open and uncertain.

Whatever it is, it’s gone almost as fast as it comes. Karin coughs, readjusts her glasses—and suddenly, he’s facing the Karin he has always known.

“Yeah, yeah,” she waves a dismissive hand at him; cocks her hip to one side and turns to Juugo with a dry gaze. “Coulda told me this guy was here!”

“I _tried_ to,” Juugo sighs, giving Karin a look between cautious and apologetic. “He’s spending the night.”

Karin frowns; nose scrunching up as she gives Sasuke a once-over. “Huh? What for?”

If Sasuke didn’t know her any better, he would’ve felt unwelcomed.

“I’m on a journey. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

The redhead gives him a look, arms crossed across her chest and one eyebrow arched high.

“…And there are some things I want to ask Orochimaru about,” Sasuke admits, seeing no point in keeping it from them.

Karin points an accusatory finger at him, “I knew it!”

Sasuke ignores her tantrum in favor of his curiosity. “Karin, you didn’t notice I was here?”

She huffs, moodily strolling past him towards the table sitting in the corner of the room; ponytail bouncing with every step.

“Nowadays I have better things to do than to keep an eye on everyone’s chakra!”

She switches the bag she’s wearing for a smaller pouch, and checks the contents before aiming an airy gaze at Sasuke. “Guess I’ll see you later, Sasuke.”

“Right.”

She eyes him for a moment longer before nodding at Juugo and starting towards the southwest corridor; the one Sasuke knows leads to the laboratories. Her steps are louder this time; more in tune with the way she used to carry herself before, when she started making a name for herself among Orochimaru’s ranks.

It’s only when they can’t hear them anymore that Juugo speaks again.

“Karin hasn’t used her Kagura Shingan since the war ended.”

Sasuke blinks, surprised at the news. Karin’s cautious nature is part of what makes her such an efficient kunoichi; the thought of her no longer using her special ability seems almost out of character.

“Why?”

“She says that she doesn’t want to feel Suigetsu’s ‘disgusting’ chakra every minute of her day.”

He can’t help but to snort at that.

_Guess some things never change._

Juugo doesn’t seem to share his sentiments, because his voice is thoughtful as he adds, “But… I think she’s just trying to move on.”

“From the war?”

Juugo looks at him, then—and Sasuke finds that for some reason, he can’t quite read the look in the eyes of his old teammate.

“…From a lot of things.”

* * *

His reunion with Orochimaru goes more smoothly than expected.

Sasuke had anticipated mystifying remarks about his affiliation with Konoha and unwanted insinuations about his body; maybe even underhanded attempts to get information about the new alliance between the villages.

Instead, Orochimaru’s oddly cooperative and Sasuke’s questions are answered swiftly, without pointless charades. The man must’ve noticed Sasuke’s suspicion, because a corner of his mouth had lifted; amusement in his reptile-like eyes.

_‘Sasuke-kun, your distrust wounds me. I only wish to unveil all the secrets still hiding in this world… I see no harm in cooperating with you. At the contrary, I could almost say you’re doing me a service.’_

Sasuke wants to be of no help to Orochimaru, but he knows better than to be that childish.

They’re still discussing Kaguya as the sun sets, Orochimaru and Juugo listening quietly to Sasuke’s brief account of Team 7’s fight against her. He’s just telling them about the way they finally managed to successfully seal her, when Orochimaru looks over Sasuke’s shoulder; lips stretching into a smile lacking any real warmth.

“I assume you will not be joining us for dinner, will you, child?”

Sasuke turns only to find Karin walking past the room; brow furrowed and irked red gaze set squarely on Orochimaru.

“I’m good, Orochimaru-sama,” she waves a bitten apple at them, matter-of-factly. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”

She turns on her heels and leaves without waiting for a response. Orochimaru chuckles, seemingly entertained for reasons that escape Sasuke.

Juugo gives him an apologetic look, “Sorry, Sasuke. Karin must be tired today.”

Sasuke doesn’t understand what he is apologizing for. If Karin doesn’t want to eat, that is none of his business. “It’s fine, Juugo.”

“Don’t worry, Juugo. I’m sure Sasuke-kun did not expect Karin to put her day on hold simply because he deigned to visit. Isn’t that right, Sasuke-kun?”

Orochimaru’s voice sounds as harmless as his words, but Sasuke’s no fool. He can see the mirth in those snake eyes of his; knows for certain now that it’s as his expense, though the reasons still elude him.

His eyes narrow in a silent warning, inwardly refusing to fall prey to Orochimaru’s mind-games. “…Yeah.”

Orochimaru chuckles again, ostensibly pleased, “Now, then. Where were you, Sasuke-kun?”

* * *

He was fourteen the last time he stepped foot in this hideout; yet, aside from the now empty cells, nothing seems to have changed. As he walks through the complicated nest of corridors, his mind flashes back to those days; the strenuous training sessions; the sick, hungry glint in Orochimaru’s eyes; Suigetsu’s desperate attempts at escaping.

The copper taste of Karin’s blood in his mouth.

As if brought to life by the memory, he spots her in Kabuto’s old laboratory, hunched over the desk. Something akin to unease sets in his skin; makes his fingers tense.

It’s the same laboratory Karin herself used to get experimented on; arms strapped down and brow covered in sweat, lips pressed together to hold back the screams.

“Are you gonna come in, or you’re planning to just stand there like a creep?”

Sasuke blinks, and fourteen-year-old Karin fades. In her place, nineteen-year-old Karin is giving him a wry look; one hand on her hip while the other pushes her glasses further up her nose.

He decides to ignore that she just called him a creep.

“You’ve taken over the lab.”

“It’s not like that freak Kabuto’s gonna need it anytime soon.”

She sounds awfully nonchalant about it, as if the memories that Sasuke’s mind had conjured were no more than unpleasant genjutsu. The skepticism must’ve shown on his face, because Karin tilts her head to the side with a frown.

“What’s with that look? We’re not doing anything that’d put a damper on the village sunshine friendship you guys have going on, if that’s what you’re worried about, Sasuke.”

The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, though it probably should have. He doesn’t correct Karin’s assumptions, however; the way she had spoken, voice flat and unimpressed, has taken his attention elsewhere.

“…You don’t buy it,” he states rather than asks, and Karin crosses her arms; juts her chin out in willful defiance.

“So what? We’re just outsiders, the lot of us!”

“…So am I.”

Surprise slips into Karin’s stare as the words leave his lips. Sasuke himself is almost taken aback at how easily the admittance comes to him; though he has known it to be true for a long time, now.

He may have chosen to protect Konoha and The Land of Fire; to watch over the peace that Itachi and Naruto have so painstakingly worked for. But it’s hard to fully trust a place that has kept so much from you, _taken_ so much from you; and he knows the feeling must be mutual.

He has not said any of this to Naruto, yet he knows that Naruto can tell. It’s why the blond hadn’t tried to stop him when he decided to travel, unlike Sakura, despite the frown that had taken to his features ever since Sasuke had announced his plans. Sasuke’s thankful that Naruto had let him go without putting up a fight; his place might not be in Konoha, not for now and perhaps not ever. But Naruto’s is. And Sasuke trusts his friend to keep the darker sides of the village at bay with his light.

“…You said you’re on a journey, huh?”

Karin’s leaning back against her desk, now. As he looks at her, Sasuke finds that her usual moodiness has been overthrown by curiosity.

“Yeah. My… view of the world has changed. I want to see it again, to find out how it looks like through these new eyes.”

Something in his words must have touched the right chord with the redhead, because something in her eyes seems to go soft. “How has that been working out for you?”

Sasuke leans his back against the wall; keeps his words measured but honest. “I’ve… been noticing things I never cared about before. Things I had no time to think about, when I was driven by revenge,” he explains, raising his gaze to meet Karin’s.

“Like what?”

It’s a question he hasn’t had to answer yet, not even to Naruto, since he always keeps his letters short and to the point.

He allows his eyes to close; ponders the things he has seen since he started his travels. Thinks of the pain and the joy in people’s smiles; of the warmth of the sun; of the way people take on each other’s pain, sharing sadness and happiness alike as they rebuild and look forward to a brighter future.

None of these are things he can put into words yet, the implications running too deep for him to chase as he is.

And so, he thinks of something much lighter. A valuable lesson he was reminded of not too long ago; one he has been keeping in mind ever since.

“…That appearances can be deceiving.”

Karin snorts, “Heh, now that I think about it, you’ve always been pretty gullible.”

Sasuke takes slight offense to that, but she is speaking again before he can protest. “Kinda surprised they let you out of their sight, though.”

“Who?”

“Naruto. And the pink-haired girl,” she readjusts her glasses, taps her fingers against her elbow. “Sakura, right? I figured that now that they finally got you back, they wouldn’t let you go again.”

“They know I’ll come back, eventually. Besides…” she gives him a questioning look, so he obliges. “They have nothing to do with my sins.”

Karin’s brows draw together, “Huh. Neither did we, and you still sought us out.”

Her unexpected words strike him with their simplicity.

 _That was different_ , is what he wants to tell her, _you guys are different._ But Sasuke himself hasn’t decided if that’s a good thing yet.

 _It’s complicated. I don’t deserve them,_ is what Sasuke knows to be true. But it sounds trite even to his own ears.

“…What about you?”

“Huh? What about me?”

“It’s been two years,” he offers as explanation, and understanding dawns on Karin’s eyes. Her gaze narrows, then, sharp and piercing—and for a moment Sasuke thinks she’s going to call him out for changing the subject.

Instead Karin just sighs.

“Haven’t been up to much. I help Orochimaru out, obviously,” she pulls on her collar, gaze shifting away and back to his own as she mutters, curtly, “and I’ve been growing my collection.”

_Her collection?_

It’s slowly that it comes back to him. Images of a younger Karin bringing useless little bottles from every village she was sent to gather supplies in; that same Karin throwing a fit whenever Kabuto sardonically reminded her that shinobi do not wear perfume.

_…So that’s it, huh?_

He’s surprised he remembers something so trivial. “…Perfumes, right?”

Karin nods. “Yep. I’m working with a lady from a small village not too far from here; I make them, she sells ‘em. It gives good money; enough to take breaks from Suigetsu when I need to.”

There’s a glint in Karin’s eyes now, a mischievous smirk that stretches long and wide across her face.

Sasuke feels the corners of his own lips quirk up, “Heh.”

“A—anyway!” Karin starts, suddenly glaring. “I’m off to take a shower! Don’t go messing around with my stuff while I’m not here, got it?!”

And just like that, she stomps off; leaving Sasuke to stare after her, wondering what it is that he did this time to set her off.

Karin’s mood-swings are nothing new. Sasuke has always found them puzzling at best and troublesome at worst, so he’s not surprised to realize that hasn’t changed; not even with his new way to see the world and those around him.

However, there’s something just starting to weigh on the corners of his mind. Something about Karin. Something that has… changed? No, rather, something that is… missing?

_‘Sasuke, I’m all alone with you…’_

With a start, Sasuke realizes what that is.

Her proximity.

Back when they were children, and even during their time as Taka, Karin had the baffling habit of getting really close to him whenever they were alone together. Sitting with her thighs pressed against his, pulling him by the wrist, leaning her face close to his; so much so that their breaths mingled and he could smell the faint fragrance of her raspberry lipstick. Sasuke always got the feeling she was testing him, someway, somehow; but there seemed to be no malice behind her actions and she stopped whenever he asked her to, so Sasuke had never thought much of it.

This time, however, Karin had kept her distance. And now that he thinks about it, he realizes that it wasn’t only physically.

_‘Yeah, yeah. Could’ve told me this guy was here!’_

_Orochimaru chuckles, seemingly amused for reasons that escape Sasuke._

_‘Sorry, Sasuke. Karin must be tired today.’_

It isn’t only that Karin’s made no effort to catch up with him, unlike Juugo. No, it’s more than that—

Karin has been avoiding him.

And there can only be one reason why.

_‘Sasuke… Help!’_

His hand curls into a fist; shame and regret pooling in his stomach.

_Karin’s distraught eyes bore into his, blood dripping from her mouth. ‘I…’_

How could he not have realized it before?

He might have apologized to her during the war, but a simple apology was not enough for what he had done to her. Not when Karin had saved his life more times than he can count, and he repaid her with cold, cruel betrayal.

Juugo had called him their nakama. But Sasuke had not hurt him and Suigetsu the way he had Karin.

Hadn’t almost killed them in cold blood; a sacrifice for something bigger, as if their lives were meaningless.

Sasuke frowns at the ground; the bitter taste of guilt making his jaw clench, his teeth grit.

_…I need to make amends with her. After Naruto and Sakura, Karin’s probably the one I’ve hurt the most._

How can he have atonement, when he hasn’t even earned the forgiveness of one of the few people he can call a friend?

* * *

Suigetsu stands tall at the end of the hall, both hands on his hips and a lopsided smirk on his face.

“Damn me, if it isn’t Sasuke in the flesh! What do we owe the honor to?”

“Suigetsu,” is Sasuke’s casual greeting. Suigetsu’s smirk widens a fraction.

“Heh, you could look more excited to see me,” he drawls. “It’s been two years, after all.”

Sasuke nods in his direction, “You look well.”

“Yeah, well, not sure I can say the same about you. What’s up with that bandana?” Suigetsu points a finger at his head, voice light and jeering. “Some fashion trend I’m not aware of? Can’t say I wanna join in, if it is.”

Sasuke doesn’t even dignify that with an eye-roll.

“Suigetsu. Sasuke has come to see us, and to talk to Orochimaru,” Juugo explains, as Suigetsu starts making his way to them.

“Really, now? What about? Getting tired of Konoha already, Sasuke?”

“None of your business.”

“Heh, that so?”

Sasuke barely has time to notice the familiar, feral glint in Suigetsu’s eyes before the swordsman’s gone. He reappears barely a second later, this time directly behind him—finger-gun aimed and ready to strike.

But as he looks into Sasuke’s eyes, he is greeted by the sight of his Sharingan—a silent acknowledgement of his prowess, but also the mark of his defeat.

“Seems you haven’t gotten too rusty then, eh, Sasuke?” Suigetsu chuckles and steps away, smirk now replaced by a toothy grin. “Got me worried for a second there.”

Sasuke snorts, Sharingan fading back to black. “And you haven’t changed, Suigetsu.”

“Heh, I’ll have you know that I— _Argh!_ What the hell?!”

Karin, who had just walked by them, raises a fist in his direction. The same fist she had used to punch him in the shoulder.

“Quit wasting time and go report to Orochimaru already, Suigetsu!”

“Suigetsu just got here, Karin,” Juugo points out. The redhead just mutters something that sounds suspiciously close to _what are you, his mom?!_ before disappearing into one of the rooms.

“Geez, so it’s back to business with her now that Sasuke’s around, huh?”

“ _Suigetsu_ ,” Juugo mutters.

The swordsman sighs, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Sasuke,” Juugo turns to him, though he does not address the questions in Sasuke's eyes. “You wanted to talk to Orochimaru, right? He should be in the monitor room.”

“Lead the way.”

The three set-off together in silence, but Sasuke doesn’t miss the look Juugo and Suigetsu exchange, or the way Suigetsu glances at the door Karin had disappeared behind with a light frown on his face.

* * *

Sasuke feels like he’s missing something; the odd man out in the new dynamic of his old team.

That feeling only heightens when he and Juugo come out of the monitor room only to find Suigetsu and Karin arguing over something in hushed voices.

The scene is nothing he hasn’t seen before; if anything, seeing those two getting along would probably be more shocking.

Yet, something about it catches his eye. It might be how close they’re standing; the hint of concern in the irritated set of Suigetsu’s eyebrows; the rosy hue on Karin’s cheeks. Whatever it is, it makes Sasuke feel slightly uneasy; like he’s seeing something he shouldn’t.

When Karin notices him staring, she straightens up and glares daggers at Suigetsu; loudly announcing she’s got better things to do before furiously walking away. Suigetsu just sighs and cracks his neck, toothy grin back in place; any traces of his conversation with Karin gone from his face.

“So, got any interesting info from Orochimaru-sama?”

Juugo answers in Sasuke’s stead; explains that Sasuke will be heading east next. Suigetsu arches an eyebrow at that, grin widening. During one of his last trips, he heard there is an exotic sword in the Land of Hot Water; he’s planning to go after it tomorrow, since Orochimaru doesn't seem to need him yet.

“Might as well travel together, then; kill two birds with one stone. Metaphorically, of course,” Suigetsu finishes, aiming a cheeky smirk at Juugo. The latter deliberately ignores his bad joke, turning towards Sasuke instead.

“Is this a mission for Taka?”

Sasuke looks at Suigetsu, who holds his eyes with a look bordering on encouraging. Finally, he nods. “Looks like it.”

Juugo smiles; but the gesture soon falters. “…I wonder if Karin will want to come along.”

“Heh, let that wench do whatever she wants.”

“ _Suigetsu_ ,” Sasuke warns.

For some reason, Suigetsu gapes at Sasuke, eyes round and wide—and then promptly bursts out laughing.

“Heh, seems like some things won’t ever change, after all!”

* * *

Juugo was right to wonder, because Karin turns them down.

 _I’m in the middle of something with Orochimaru. Can’t dump that just to go play ninja scout with you lot_ , she had said, and her rebuttal left Sasuke feeling something suspiciously close to disappointment.

Her observant eyes and clever mind would be useful if he were to come across any leads; there’s no doubt about that. But that’s not all there is to it.

With Karin staying behind, the opportunities to make amends with her narrow down to the single night Sasuke has left in the hideout. And Sasuke doesn’t know what he could possibly offer her, aside from another apology.

Still, Karin deserves at least that much.

… _Better get to it, then,_ he decides, heading in the direction of her laboratory.

* * *

She isn’t there when he goes to search for her, and neither does she come to dinner. So, Sasuke waits by the only place Karin wouldn’t be able to avoid.

Her room.

When she finally comes, the redhead looks startled to see him there. She gets over it quickly, though.

“If you came here to get me to tag along with you guys, you can forget about it! I don’t care if you say you need me, I _won’t_ —”

“That’s not it,” Sasuke interrupts. There’s no point in beating around the bush, so he detaches himself from the wall; lets his arm hang limp at his side, “… I came to apologize.”

The fight seems to leave Karin and she blinks, forehead creasing in confusion. “…Huh?”

“What I did to you… you deserved better than that. I’m sorry, Karin.”

Karin parts her lips, closes them; then shakes her head, “No shit I did, you bastard!” she barks, only to then add, voice considerably quieter, “…What brought this on? You said you’re sorry already, remember?”

“I know. But… I don’t think it was enough.”

Sasuke glares at the ground, gaze heavy with regret. And so, he misses the way Karin’s eyes soften, sadness and sympathy and something else he wouldn’t have been able to name.

“…What does it matter if I forgive you? I mean, we aren’t teammates anymore.”

Sasuke looks up, at that; stare meeting Karin’s own and holding it there. “…But we’re nakama.”

It’s something he never thought possible when he recruited them; something that went far beyond his calculations, but that he knew to be true since the moment Juugo said it. No, even before that; since the three of them risked their lives for him and he risked his for Karin without a second thought.

He had just allowed himself to forget it.

And maybe Karin has, too; because her eyes go wide and she stares at him for a moment that seems to stretch on forever, gaze flickering with something Sasuke can’t remember having ever seen there before.

She closes them before he can try to decipher it; turns away from him and folds both arms across her chest. “Whatever! Stop living in the past, will ya? Some of us are trying to!”

Karin starts to her room and Sasuke can only stare, taken aback by her outburst despite himself. He doesn’t know where that leaves him; if Karin has accepted his apology or not. Doesn’t even know if he has any right to ask.

He must’ve looked almost as lost as he feels, because Karin rolls her eyes at him when she reaches the door. “I forgave you a long time ago, dumbass! That doesn’t mean I’m okay with what you did, though.”

Karin frowns at the ground, hand stilling over the doorknob. “Just… if you really wanna make it up to me, promise me you won’t ever let that darkness back in again, Sasuke,” she turns to him, eyes wary. “That’s… not the Sasuke I know.”

He isn’t planning to. Not again; not ever.

“I won’t,” and because it doesn’t feel like enough, he adds, firmly, “I promise.”

He’s being sincere; wills his eyes to show it as Karin observes him, studies him. Eventually she nods, lips turning up ever so slightly. “… All right.”

And as they stand there, eyes still holding each other’s own, Sasuke finds that something in his chest feels lighter.

* * *

Karin still doesn’t change her mind.

She comes to see them off, either way; gives a pouch to Juugo so his birds can track the essences she needs; has a quick argument with Suigetsu that Sasuke more or less tunes out by habitude.

And then, she turns to him.

“Guess you won’t be coming back with them, huh, Sasuke?”

“No,” he admits.

Karin nods and lingers; eyes trained on him and boiling with an emotion Sasuke cannot quite place.

“See you when I see you, I guess!”

She declares, turning away and back towards the hideout; ponytail catching in the sun and burning like the flames of a Katon.

* * *

It has been a while since the last time he traveled with anyone, and even longer since he last traveled with Suigetsu and Juugo; but he finds himself enjoying their company.

Things are quieter than he remembers them to be, more relaxed; he isn’t sure if it’s because Karin isn’t there to bicker with Suigetsu, or because his mind isn’t busy thinking of what comes next.

By the time the sun falls, they have almost made it to The Land of Hot Water. Instead of rushing to make it there and loan a room, they slow down and decide to set camp.

It turns out to be the right choice, Sasuke muses. The weather’s warm and the crackling of the fire they light is soothing; even Suigetsu’s chatter, only briefly joined by Juugo and Sasuke himself, at times, is almost pleasant.

Or so Sasuke thinks, until the conversation takes an unexpected turn.

“Gotta admit, this is making me kinda nostalgic.”

Juugo agrees with a nod and a faint smile. “Me, too. Though we’re still missing Karin,” he adds, and Suigetsu chuckles.

Sasuke expects him to make an off-hand remark about the redhead. Something, _anything_ but what comes out of his mouth.

“I gotta say, I always thought I’d have a field day if Sasuke ever rejected Karin; but honestly, it’s kinda sad,” Suigetsu aims his lopsided grin at Sasuke, who can only blink in response. “Can’t say I blame ya though, from what I saw the pink-haired girl looks better than that madwoman.”

“Suigetsu,” Juugo chides with a frown, but Sasuke barely registers it.

He always thought Suigetsu teased Karin about having feelings for him just to get a rise out of her; because it irked her, never failed to make her lash out, eager to prove Suigetsu wrong. But Karin isn’t there now—which means Suigetsu actually believed it.

What’s more—the pink-haired girl in question can be no one other than Sakura.

He doesn’t know what’s more out there. That Suigetsu thought Karin had feelings for him, or that he and Sakura were romantically involved.

Sasuke addresses the later, first. “There’s nothing between me and Sakura.”

“Huh?” Suigetsu stares, confused. “You mean, you aren’t into her?”

“…She’s a precious friend,” Sasuke admits easily, “though I fail to see how that is any of your concern.”

“Then, what about Karin?”

Sasuke sighs, not understanding what Karin has to do with anything. “What about her?”

“What do you see _her_ as?” Suigetsu asks, the playful look in his eyes gone and replaced by an intent gaze that seems almost out of place in him.

“Stop that, Suigetsu,” Juugo all but commands, surprisingly firm. “Sasuke's right, that is none of our business.”

The swordsman huffs, a challenging grin taking to his lips. “Like hell it isn’t. So, what is it going to be, Sasuke?”

Sasuke stares, taken aback by his insistence but not showing it. His old self would have told Suigetsu to shut up; would have ignored his outlandish questions from the get-go. Would have even felt annoyed that he was wasting his time wondering something so pointless.

But as he is now, he’s more struck by something else entirely.

_‘What do you see her as?’_

He has never thought of that before.

Karin has always been just… Karin. The strongest girl he knows, in more ways than one. The hardest one to handle, too; refusing to bow down to anyone, unless it meant getting something out of it. The most confusing, without a doubt; always doing and saying things without rhyme or reason, when he least expects her to.

The woman he trusts to watch his back, and to point the way forward.

But there’s no point in saying any of that to Suigetsu, so he voices the closest thing he can find.

“Karin’s my nakama.”

“…That’s it?” Suigetsu gives him a blank look. “All those years of her following you around like a bitch in heat and that’s all you have to say about her?”

Juugo leans forward, his frown deepening. “Suigetsu!”

Sasuke can only glare; not sure he’s liking what Suigetsu’s getting at.

“It’s okay, Sasuke,” Juugo reassures him, but even Sasuke can notice his expression has withered. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

Suigetsu shakes his head, lets himself fall backwards onto his elbows.

“Damn, I never thought I’d say this but I feel sorry for her. I bet you don’t even know how she felt about you, huh?”

“…What?”

“Ha! You really didn’t have a clue, did you? Damn!”

“ _Suigetsu_ ,” Juugo practically begs this time, gaze wary. “If Karin finds out—”

Suigetsu ignores him. Gives Sasuke a wide, haughty grin that does not reach his eyes.

“Karin was crazy about you. Is. Whatever. Head over heels. She used to whisper your name whenever she fell asleep guarding me. _Oh, Sasuke~Sasukeee!_ Are you seriously telling me you never noticed?”

Sasuke kind of feels like Suigetsu’s speaking another tongue. The Karin he sees in his mind is frowning at him, yelling at him; always unimpressed, exasperated.

_‘I say no thanks! I have no reason to join you!’_

_‘Sasuke! Quit bossing us around!’_

_‘Pathetic! I can’t believe you’re the one who actually took down Orochimaru!’_

_‘Bastard, I ain’t ever forgiving you!’_

“Shit, poor Karin,” Suigetsu continues from somewhere far away, sounding almost sympathetic, “she nearly threw herself at you at every chance and you never even cared enough to notice, huh.”

Sasuke looks at Juugo; hopes he will deny it. But Juugo simply sighs, closing his eyes.

And Sasuke’s—Sasuke’s widen.

The look Karin had given him, that morning when she came to say goodbye—the emotion he saw in her eyes—

It had been resignation.

“…You’re full of shit, Suigetsu,” he manages at last, but he knows he’s fighting the inevitable.

Suigetsu knows it, too, by the amused if disbelieving way he’s eyeing him, “What did you _want_ her to do, suck your dick? Come on, Sasuke. I hated her guts and even _I_ noticed.”

Sasuke feels a stab of something in his chest.

Hurt.

He cares about Karin; always has.

…Could he have really overlooked something so glaring?

* * *

_Itachi’s truth shackles Sasuke; poisons him. Leaves him adrift._

_He can still see his brother’s unfocused eyes whenever he closes his; feel the warmth of his blood on his hands._

_The memories suffocate him. He feels like he’s drowning._

_He doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep—he just remembers. Each memory a different kind of torture, a different shape of agony._

_For two days, there’s only him and the darkness and his pain._

_On the third, Karin saunters into the cave._

_She meets his confused, disoriented stare with her own impassible one; offers a curt nod as answer to all his unasked questions. Then, she promptly drops herself on the floor by the candlelight and pulls out a book._

_Sasuke stares at her long and hard; eyes darkening by the minute. But Karin ignores him, seemingly too engrossed in her book._

_“What are you doing here, Karin?”_

_He demands at last, voice raspy from disuse. Karin gives him a passing glance then, not even acknowledging his scowl before returning her attention to her book._

_“Since you aren’t around, Suigetsu’s being even more annoying than usual. The asshole won’t let me read in peace, so I figured I’d get some peace and quiet here,” she explains, leisurely flipping one page._

_Sasuke’s eyes narrow dangerously. “That’s none of my business, Karin. I want to be alone.”_

_Karin just hums, making no effort to leave. Sasuke fists his hands around the sheets._

_“Karin,” he warns._

_“What the fuck do you wanna be alone for?” Karin shoots back, eyes sharp and suddenly focused on him, “So you can keep feeling sorry for yourself?”_

_His body goes taut with indignation._

_“I’m not—”_

_“Like hell you aren’t!” Karin barks, the echo so loud it makes him wince. “Staying down here, starving yourself to death? Come on, Sasuke!”_

_Karin is right and he knows it, but his pride won’t let him admit it._

_A biting protest makes its way to his throat, curt and vicious—but Karin’s speaking again before he can say anything._

_“…Self-pity doesn’t suit you, Sasuke,” she mutters, voice gone surprisingly soft. “It’s not what Itachi would’ve wanted.”_

_Sasuke swallows the bitter sting of tears that prickle at his eyelids at the sound of his brother’s name. But the anger is easier than the pain, and so he clutches onto it. Bites back a growl and bellows, “What the fuck do_ you _know?! You didn’t even know him!”_

 _“That’s right, I didn’t,” Karin admits easily, unshaken by his outburst. “But_ you _did.”_

_Her words strike him—leave him powerless. He deflates as the fight leaves him, eyes traveling back to his hands and going unfocused again._

_He feels the weight of Karin’s own gaze on him for a moment longer, until she finally lets out a shuddering breath._

_They sit in silence for what must be hours. When Karin finally leaves, she comes back soon after with a food tray and a new book._

_Sasuke notices this, just like he noticed when she had finished the first._

_But he says nothing; and neither does he thank her. Not even as he shakily makes himself eat for the first time in days._

* * *

He didn’t thank her then and he didn’t thank her the following day, when he left the cave and rejoined the team he would rather not consider as his friends.

There are a lot of things he has never thanked Karin for; but she never seemed to mind. She had stayed by his side; scolding him or silently supporting him depending on what he needed. Never asking anything out of him.

It occurs to him now, as he lays awake by the fire, that he never stopped to ask himself why.

_Why did Karin go so far for him?_

_Why did she get so close to him, when there was no one around to see?_

_Why had she forgiven the unforgivable?_

If he had, then maybe he would have seen the truth for what it was. But he was blind to it. Too focused on his revenge, too consumed by hatred.

Too caught up in his past.

Loving him had made Sakura suffer; cry, beg. How had Karin felt, faced with his indifference? With his callous betrayal?

…And how does he feel now, that he’s aware of what she might have felt for him?

Sasuke looks up at the starry sky, brows lightly drawn together—and finds that he has no answers.

.

.

.

_It takes a lot to know a woman_

_A lot to understand what's humming_

_The honeybee, the sting_

_The little girl with wings_

_It takes a lot to breathe, to touch, to feel_

_The slow reveal of what another body needs_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! That scene with Suigetsu spilling the beans was the first thing I wrote when I started the first draft of this story, back in 2014. Can't believe it has _finally_ seen the light of day.
> 
> The chapter also turned out longer than I expected, but Sasuke just has a lot of thoughts and who am I to say no, right?
> 
> Next time: Sasuke has the best intentions, Karin practices some honesty for once, familiar characters start showing up, and things don't always get better before they get worse.


	3. Warning Sign (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suigetsu and Juugo aren’t alone when they come back.
> 
> Karin doesn’t know what to make of that.

**Chapter 2**

**_Warning Sign (Part 1)_**

.

.

.

Suigetsu and Juugo aren’t alone when they come back.

Karin doesn’t know what to make of that.

Neither does she know what to make of the strange way Sasuke looks at her from underneath his hood; eyes so focused that he doesn’t even blink as she holds his gaze.

The feeling of his eyes on her makes her skin prickle; her body go warm with a familiar excitement she’s not supposed to feel anymore.

She rebels against it; sends him a questioning look that feels more like a glare.

Sasuke does look away, then, brows lightly drawn together—and Karin doesn’t know what to make of _that_ , either.

_Weird._

Still, she knows better than to let herself think of Sasuke.

_…Any more than I already do, at least._

It’s already hard enough to keep him off her thoughts when he isn’t there. Now that he _is_ there, so close but yet so far, the almost harmless _I wonder how Sasuke is doing_ has started to transform into the dangerous _Maybe I should go_ see _how Sasuke’s doing_.

With every minute Sasuke spends there, Karin is finding it harder and harder to keep her distance.

_‘Guess you won’t be coming back with them, huh, Sasuke?’_

Knowing he wouldn’t be back had almost been a relief, despite the heartache.

But of course, nothing can ever be easy when it comes to Sasuke.

If Karin wants him close, he slips between her outstretched fingers like the wind itself. Now that she has grown used to him being away, he comes back to her.

No, not to her. Not even to _them_. To Orochimaru, probably.

 _Whatever, that’s none of my business!_ Karin stubbornly reminds herself, walking away from him and towards Juugo instead.

“Here’s what you asked for, Karin.”

“Great. Thanks, Juugo,” Karin takes the pouch he’s offering her with a grateful nod, welcoming the distraction. “I’ll go check them out.”

“Wait, Karin.”

Turning back to him, Karin is confused when Juugo steps closer to her; dropping his voice for some unknown reason, like some sort of cheap conspirator.

“Suigetsu told—”

“I told everyone who cared to hear that you’re an eyesore, ‘s what I did,” Suigetsu teases, suddenly leaning on Juugo and into her; face split in a familiar, mocking grin.

That grin remains even as Karin punches him straight in the nose and sends the top of his head splashing all over Juugo’s cloak.

“You should’ve dumped this asshole in a puddle somewhere, Juugo, Sasuke!” she snaps, falling back to their old dynamic so easily that she makes the honest mistake of looking at Sasuke.

His hood is down, now; but his eyes are still trained on her. Still with the same baffling intensity, as if she is a lead he is trying to figure out.

… _What the hell?_

Sputtering despite herself, Karin pushes her glasses up her nose out of habit and storms off before the last of her defenses can fall.

_Stupid Sasuke and his stupid, piercing eyes! Why the hell did he have to come back now, of all times?!_

* * *

_"I presume Sasuke-kun will not be back, then."_

_Orochimaru commented out of nowhere, airily; as if the fact that they were nothing but an unwanted stop for the boy he sought so hard to possess were no skin off his nose._

_Karin just grunted in response; leaned a little closer to the microscope, hoping that if she looked focused enough, Orochimaru would—_

_"You look conflicted."_

_"I don't!” she argued immediately, cursing whatever impulse had made Orochimaru decide to play therapist. “Wherever Sasuke goes is his choice, so it's all good with me!"_

_Orochimaru chuckled; observant stare set on her. “Maybe Sasuke-kun simply hasn't been given a reason to stay…"_

_"Huh? What are you even talking about, Orochimaru-sama?” Karin frowned, aggravated by what Orochimaru seemed to be implying. “As if anyone could, Sasuke's always made his own choices!"_

_"Has he, now?"_

_That gave Karin pause; made her keep silent while Orochimaru continued, "Despite the horrors he's lived, Sasuke-kun has remained pure of heart. That is certainly part of what makes his wind so unique, yes. However, it also makes him... easy to influence."_

_Karin had a feeling that she knew what Orochimaru was getting at, but she didn’t like it._

_"…What’s that supposed to mean?"_

_"Sasuke-kun has always been weak to Naruto-kun,” the man stated bluntly, never losing the unnerving smile. “Meanwhile… Naruto-kun is weak to Konoha. He may not realize that the precious village that fuels him, might also drown out Sasuke-kun's fire."_

_Karin crossed her arms, growing defensive despite herself. "And you know this, how?"_

_"Experience, my dear child. And also... I recognize some of myself in Sasuke-kun."_

_‘Narcissistic weirdo. Like hell Sasuke's anything like you!’ is what Karin thought, but didn’t say aloud._

_"That's all fine and well, Orochimaru-sama,” is what she said instead, turning back to her work. “But Sasuke should know best. It's his life, after all."_

_To her surprise, Orochimaru laughed._

_"What's so funny?"_

_"I was just thinking that Sasuke-kun isn't the only slave to his weakness."_

_Karin felt her cheeks grow warm. She was about to protest, indignant, when the mirth faded from Orochimaru’s eyes and his lips abandoned all semblances of a smile._

_"Being selfish isn’t a sin, Karin,” he told her, and it sounded like more like a warning than an advice. “If you give away so much of yourself without taking anything back… you’ll end up empty.”_

* * *

_Freaking Orochimaru. What the hell does he even know?!_

Karin clicks her tongue, jaw clenching as his words echo in her mind for the umpteenth time; unwanted, unwelcomed. Rattling.

_‘Being selfish isn’t a sin, Karin.’_

_He says that because he’s never loved anyone but himself,_ she muses angrily.

_All I want is for Sasuke to be happy. He’s happy with his old team._

She had seen it in his eyes, in his smile; had felt it in his chakra.

_He’s got someone who loves him and waits for him back home._

There is no place for her there, she knows.

_Sasuke doesn’t need me. And I sure as hell don’t need him._

She handled the Southern Hideout all on her own; Sasuke all but a warm memory to keep her going when things got hard.

She has spent two years without him, now; Sasuke all but a persistent ache she is trying to leave behind.

And so—

_So—_

If despite that, a part of Karin still wants him— _loves_ him—wishes he would be there with them—

_That’s my damn problem, not his!_

No matter what Suigetsu said, no matter what Orochimaru implied—

_I won’t let any of these idiots put that burden on Sasuke!_

Karin marches angrily to her laboratory; away from the hideout’s entrance.

Away from Sasuke.

* * *

Sasuke isn’t in the kitchen, when Karin gives in to her grumbling stomach and goes to grab a bite.

Neither is he with Suigetsu and Juugo, when she grows suspicious of how quiet they’re being and goes to see what they’re up to.

She knows for a fact that Sasuke isn’t with Orochimaru, either, since she has spent the entire day going back and forth between her laboratory and his.

Not being able to help her curiosity, Karin turns her back on Suigetsu and Juugo and asks, with deliberate indifference, “So, where’s Sasuke? He left already?”

Predictably enough, Suigetsu snickers. “I just _knew_ you were dying to ask. Why don’t you activate that power of yours? It’ll make keeping tabs on him easier, won’t it?”

Karin all but rolls her eyes.

_As if being even more aware of Sasuke’s gonna help, you dumbass!_

She decides to ignore him, lest he take her rightful annoyance as an invitation to keep going.

By the windowsill, Juugo is looking at her with something too close to concern for her liking.

Karin decides to ignore him, too.

* * *

Later, Karin thinks that maybe she should’ve listened to Suigetsu and activated her Kagura Shingan.

At least then, she would have been prepared to find Sasuke comfortably leaning on the wall right across her room. Again.

“Huh? What is it this time, Sasuke?”

Then again, nothing would’ve prepared her for his greeting.

“Karin. Suigetsu told me you had feelings for me.”

The words are so deadpan, so unthinkable, so utterly and completely unexpected, that for a moment Karin thinks she has heard wrong.

She blinks, brain slowing down to a stop, and croaks, “He— _what_?”

“Suigetsu told me you—”

“Wha—what the _fuck_?!”

The world starts spinning again, so fast that Karin has to hold onto the wall to keep herself upright. She’s looking at Sasuke with nothing but sheer horror, yet he simply stares back, impassive.

“Is it true?”

Karin parts her lips, but every attempt at a rebuttal sounds like she’s a fish out of water; desperately gasping for air.

“Suigetsu— _he_ —that bastard!” she curses, heart drumming wildly in her ears.

“ _Karin_ ,” Sasuke presses. Karin’s face grows so hot that she’s almost sure it burns to the touch.

She clicks her tongue and wipes the sweat from her brow, eyes frantically darting around them. They aren’t in the Southern base anymore; there are no prisoners around to witness her embarrassment and question her authority—find they respect her less, _fear_ her less.

But old habits die hard, and Karin isn’t thinking clearly enough to try to stop them. She grabs Sasuke by the wrist and pulls him inside her room; eager to hide her vulnerability from the ghosts of her past.

When she closes the door behind her, she finds the present staring at her; still and uncharacteristically patient. The weight of his expectant stare makes Karin lean against the door, half-wishing it could swallow her whole.

_Suigetsu, you dick!_

“Wh—what would he know?!” she fires back at last, readjusting her glasses in a futile attempt to get back some of her dignity; some semblance of control. “If you haven’t noticed, Suigetsu’s basically got a thing for you! That bastard was just projecting!”

“Karin,” Sasuke calls again, embarrassingly calm even before her disgraceful fumbling. “Are you telling me the truth?”

Karin snaps her mouth shut and swallows, throat dry.

“Wh—why do you even care, anyway?!”

“I want to know,” he states, merciless. “We are nakama. You are important to me.”

Karin bites down on her lower lip; heart skipping a beat despite herself.

She should deny it.

She gave up on the right to tell him two years ago; was resolute to take her feelings for him to the grave—refused to burden him with something he never asked for.

And yet—

_Damn it, Sasuke! Why can’t you just let it go?!_

He had blown so many chances; turned a blind eye to so many hints.

_Why do you care about it, now, huh? Why now?_

_And yet_ —she knows there’s no use.

Sasuke is naïve, but he’s far from dumb. If he’s there to ask her, then…

 _That means he’s already got a good idea of the answer,_ Karin decides; hands curling into loose fists.

Life is cruel and Sasuke is merciless.

With a sigh, Karin takes her glasses off and rubs the bridge of her nose.

“So, what if I did? What if I _did_ have feelings for you, huh, Sasuke? What does it even matter?”

“…So, it was true.”

Sasuke’s eyes widen a fraction—and then they narrow with something akin to suspicion. “Was it because I saved you from that bear?”

Whatever is left of her self-control evaporates then and there.

“Y—you _remember_ that?!” Karin stammers, eyes going round. “No, wait—you _knew_ it was me?!”

Sasuke nods, wordlessly. Karin stares, equal parts confused and dismayed. “Why the hell didn’t you ever say anything?!”

“It didn’t seem relevant.”

“It didn’t seem…” she trails off, mouth agape.

And laughs.

It’s Sasuke’s turn to look confused, but Karin can’t bring herself to care. The memory that fueled her all those years; the smile that kept her going and gave her something to fight for, just isn’t _relevant_.

It feels like a grand, cosmic joke; like something that should break her heart, make something inside her wither.

Strangely, it doesn’t.

_…That’s just like Sasuke, huh?_

He saved a stranger’s life, touched their hearts and changed their lives for the better—and it was just like any other day to him.

The thought makes Karin’s laughter ebb into a fond smile; her eyes grow soft, sincere.

“Karin,” Sasuke demands, bringing her out of her reverie. “Why did you like me?”

_Alright, Sasuke... You want honesty? I’ll give ya honesty._

“ _Like_ you?” she snorts, incredulously. “I fucking _loved_ you, Sasuke. Don’t you talk about my feelings as if they were just some silly little crush, ya hear?!”

Sasuke remains unfazed, but he seems to weight her words because he corrects himself, “Why did you love me, then?”

“…What kinda question’s that?” Karin mutters under her breath. “’cuz I thought you were worth loving, _obviously_.”

He’s not standing close enough for her to fully discern his expression without her glasses on. It might be just that which emboldens her; makes her stand proud and tall as she bears her heart to him for the first and last time.

“…You saved my life, Sasuke. Even when I was just some weak nobody you had never seen before,” she confesses, wistfully. “And then you gave me a reason to go on after I lost my village; something to aspire to. I… probably wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

By the time she finishes, her voice has dropped to a heartfelt whisper. But her eyes never stray from his own; not even as her hands go limp and her whole body deflates, as if she has been holding her breath all her life and was only now exhaling at last.

And _Sasuke_ —he draws in a breath, eyes widening with realization and then setting with something close to understanding.

A long moment goes by before he breaks the silence again.

“…I nearly killed you,” he points out, as if she isn’t aware of it herself.

Karin squints at him, sourly, “No shit. I wanted to be done with you, after you did.”

“…Why weren’t you?”

Because she had felt it. As that boy—Naruto, spoke to Sasuke, Karin had felt it. The warmth of his chakra slipping through the cracks in the darkness engulfing him whole, like sunlight through the night sky.

But Sasuke doesn’t need to know that.

“…Because the Sasuke I’ve always known was still there somewhere, and I wasn’t ready to give up on him just yet,” she offers him instead, with a melancholy smile.

Sasuke lightly shakes his head, as if trying to make sense of what he’s hearing, “You never said anything.”

“What for? You’re as single-minded as a damned rock, Sasuke. You had enough on your plate as it was. I didn’t wanna burden you with something you weren’t ready for,” Karin looks away as she adds, embarrassed, “I guess… I thought that if you felt the same way, you’d… y’know, catch on. But you never did, so… I got the message.”

“Karin…”

When Karin puts her glasses on again, she finds Sasuke giving her an odd, conflicted look.

It makes her huff and cross her arms, wary and irritated. “I swear _,_ if you start pitying me, I won’t ever forgive you, you bastard!”

“…I don’t,” he promises. But there’s something forlorn in his eyes when he adds, so sincerely that it almost physically hurts, “I’m sorry, Karin. For never noticing.”

Karin refuses to let him see her ache; gathers every ounce of strength she has left to keep her expression even, her voice casual.

“I told ya, it’s fine! Besides, even if you had…” her lips quirk up in a knowing smile, just bordering on resigned. “That wouldn’t have changed anything. You already have someone to come home to, after all.”

Sasuke looks down, brows knitting.

“…Sakura, huh.”

Karin nods, eyes focused somewhere beyond Sasuke. “I don’t hate her, y’know? She saved me… and she loves you a lot. I could tell. She’s gonna make you happy, if you give her the chance, Sasuke.”

With her glasses on, Karin can see the way his jaw clenches; his shoulders tense. Can see him close his eyes, brows still drawn together.

_Tch, that idiot._

For some reason, the Sasuke that has come to see them after two years seems like he’s ready to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. It’s no different now, and Karin’s heart hurts as she looks at him.

She wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to feel guilty; that she loving him isn’t any of their faults. That she is happy to have felt that way about him—that he owes her nothing.

That he has given her enough.

But she isn’t ready for that much honesty; doesn’t know how to bare any more of her bruises without opening up the wounds.

So she swallows the tenderness down; turns it into annoyance.

“Tch. I told ya already, I don’t need yer—!”

But whatever it is she’s about to say dies on her tongue when Sasuke opens his eyes and raises his face.

Because when his eyes meet hers, they’re brimming with something—something she has only rarely seen in them before, but never this strongly, never this clear.

Her throat goes dry.

_All I care about is Sasuke’s happiness._

_‘Being selfish isn’t unforgivable, Karin.’_

_As long as he’s happy…_

_‘If you give away so much of yourself without taking anything back…’_

_Even if I don’t ever see him again, I…_

_‘…you’ll end up empty.’_

_Loving him is enough for me._

But he’s standing before her, so close that all she has to do is _reach_ ; mismatched eyes focused and set on her—and it’s so real that it terrifies her.

For a frightening breath, there’s a sliver of something deadly in her heart.

Something dangerously close to _hope_.

She tries to squash it—reminds herself of what’s best for Sasuke, of all the things she can’t give him; a family, a home, a sense of normalcy—soft, pristine contours without all the rough edges and scars.

_‘…you’ll end up empty.’_

But it stays—persistent, abrasive. Crushing.

_‘Being selfish isn’t unforgivable.’_

It makes her palms sweat, her heart beat faster.

And then Sasuke parts his lips, takes a step towards her—and Karin forgets how to breathe.

_Oh._

Her traitorous heart always seems to beat more strongly, more fully, whenever Sasuke is near.

It seeks him out, like a moth to a flame—and betrays her in the most spectacular way.

Her lips meet his before she has even understood what she’s done. But her body registers the contact the instant it happens, and lightning runs down her spine; makes the little hairs on her arms stand on end, her heart beat so fast that it’s almost dizzying.

When her brain finally catches up, Karin leans back only to find Sasuke staring at her—eyes wide.

_Shit. Shitshitshitshit shit!_

She backs away so quickly, she almost crashes into the door behind her. “Th—that’s not! I just—! You looked like— I _mean_ —!”

Sasuke doesn’t even blink—just continues to stare at her with those wide, unreadable eyes.

Horrified, Karin grabs him by the sleeve, opens the door and unceremoniously pushes him outside.

“Forget that ever happened!!” she barks, jamming the door shut in his face. She doesn’t wait for a response; doesn’t give him the time to react. Just closes the door and leans palms-first into it, letting out a mouthful of air.

In the stillness of her room, she urges herself to _breathe_ —urges her heart to stop hammering against her ribcage, her ears to stop ringing, her face to stop burning.

With one arm still holding the door closed, Karin dares to take her trembling fingertips to her lips.

They’re warm.

* * *

Sasuke leaves the next morning.

He doesn’t expect Karin to come see him off, but she’s standing there with Suigetsu and Juugo when he exits the hideout.

This time, Sasuke does notice the way she pointedly avoids meeting his eyes. The concerned looks Juugo throws at Karin. The expectant way Suigetsu seems to glance from her and back to him, as if he is waiting for something.

Sasuke doesn’t know what Suigetsu thinks will happen, but he knows that he is waiting in vain. Juugo seems to know it, too, because he touches Suigetsu’s shoulder; nods at him to step aside and back towards the hideout, once they have both said their goodbyes.

When only he and Karin remain, Sasuke allows himself to look at her. She seems satisfied just standing there; arms crossed across her chest and chin jutted out, somewhere between defiant and stubborn.

 _Or embarrassed,_ Sasuke ponders, almost intrigued by how different Karin’s behavior seems to his eyes, now.

“See ya, Karin,” he says at last, and his lips unexplainably prickle.

Karin eyes him, guarded. For a moment, it seems like she’s going to say something; but then her cheeks grow two shades darker and she pointedly looks away, holding her chin even higher.

“Not too soon, I hope! Suigetsu becomes even more annoying when you’re around!”

“Hey, that should be my line!” the swordsman quips from the side.

Karin lets out a little, self-righteous sound. Her hair is down today and it looks even redder than usual under the sunlight; her eyes catch it, too, as she looks back at Sasuke. Become as red as the crest he wears on his back.

“…Take care of yourself,” she grits-out, probably despite herself.

By now, Sasuke knows enough to tell this is the most honest Karin’s been all morning.

_‘I didn’t wanna burden you with something you weren’t ready for.’_

“I will,” he assures her, deliberately ignoring the echo of her voice.

And if his eyes linger on her as he gives Taka one last nod—Sasuke deliberately ignores that, too.

.

.

.

_I started looking for a warning sign_   
_When the truth is, I miss you_   
_Yeah the truth is, That I miss you so_   
_And I'm tired, I should not have let you go_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, _Karin_.
> 
> Thank you so much once again to everyone who has reviewed and left kudos! You're all a big source of inspiration. 
> 
> Next time: Sasuke takes over the story again, some _familiar_ characters make their entrance and Karin just can't catch a break.


	4. Warning Sign (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke knew better than to knock on Karin’s door to seek answers. Given the way she had closed the door on his face, he could tell the redhead didn’t want to see him.
> 
> And even if she did, what would he tell her?
> 
> What would he do, were Karin to try to kiss him again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait, everyone! This chapter is so intrinsically connected to the next one, that I couldn't publish it without knowing exactly where Sasuke and Karin would lead Chapter 5.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has shared their thoughts and left comments and kudos on the story so far! Here's to hoping this one won't disappoint.

**Chapter 3**

**_Warning Sign (Part 2)_ **

.

.

.

Sasuke narrows his eyes at the letter in his hand, the words blurring together in an almost incomprehensible mess that isn’t entirely due to Naruto’s lousy calligraphy.

Among the news of Konoha and detailed-descriptions of what he has been up to for the past months, five words stand out to Sasuke.

 _Hinata Hyuuga_ and _Getting married soon_.

The combination is so unexpected that it’s almost numbing. Naruto will get married? And to the quiet Hyuuga girl? Despite how hard Sasuke searches his brain, he isn’t sure he remembers seeing Naruto talk to her once. Not outside the aftermath of the war, at least.

He feels curious, despite himself. Wonders what he missed; how Naruto out of all people decided to marry this quickly, when he had been so busy the last time they talked.

The blond sounds happy enough in his letter, though, and not for the first time, Sasuke is surprised at his newfound maturity.

_‘You don’t have to force yourself to come if it’s something you’re not ready for, ya know? We’re connected, so… I know you’ll be happy for me, wherever it is that you are.’_

He doesn’t try to hold back the fond smile that flits onto his face at his friend’s words. However, it soon fades as he reaches Naruto’s P.S. note.

‘ _I probably won’t have time to look after Sakura-chan anymore and Kakashi-sensei’s too busy now, so I’m counting on you to take care of her, okay, Sasuke? I know she’s still waiting for you, so come to see her when you can, you bastard!’_

Sasuke sighs, glancing up and away from the letter. There’s a nest on a branch of the tree he’s leaning against, and two birds are taking turns feeding the chicks.

For some reason, the sight makes him uneasy.

If he’s honest with himself, he always thought Naruto and his tireless, hopeless drive would end up swaying Sakura’s heart like he swayed everyone’s, his included. That one day, the girl would open her eyes and realize the lengths the blond went for her; like that time he saved her from Gaara.

That she would realize Sasuke has hurt her too much.

But it seems that somehow, while he wasn’t looking, Naruto had decided to give up for what must’ve been the first time in his life; had moved on and found someone else for him, someone who made him happy enough to marry.

Now, that same Naruto is asking him to take care of Sakura. Sasuke has an inkling of what that involves.

It’s what Kakashi expects of him. Suigetsu, too, apparently.

Even Karin.

Deep down, Sasuke is starting to wonder if he’s just prolonging the inevitable.

He never thought about loving anyone that way when he was driven by revenge; and he doesn’t think about it now, either. Isn’t sure he ever will. Doesn’t even know if he’s capable of it.

But Sakura has loved him for so long; waited for him for so long, _suffered_ for him for so long—that if Sasuke is to try one day, it should be with her.

It _has_ to be.

After everything he has put her through, it would be too cruel for him to give what’s left of his heart to anyone else.

_So, then… why?_

Absentmindedly, Sasuke takes two fingers to his lips.

There’s an odd feeling flickering in his chest. It’s small and strange, almost hesitant, but Sasuke has had five months to recognize its warmth.

For some reason, it seems to be always there, whenever Karin crosses his mind.

* * *

_‘So, what if I did? What if I did have feelings for you, huh, Sasuke? What does it even matter?’_

* * *

It’s almost two months after Naruto’s marriage when Sasuke finds himself standing before his friend’s new house, and ringing the bell.

“Oh, Sasuke-kun,” Hinata softly greets, surprise quickly giving way to a polite but genuine smile. “Naruto-kun will be happy to see you. Please—”

“Hinata, did you just say— _Sasuke_!” Naruto is suddenly at the door, eyes so wide they’re almost round. “You bastard, you could’ve told me you were coming! What if I wasn’t home, ‘ttebayo?!” He complains, but his voice betrays how elated he is at seeing him there.

“I guess, I would’ve left my regards with your wife,” Sasuke states blankly, holding back a smile at the sight of Naruto’s predictable and childish frown. “Congratulations on the marriage, to the both of you.”

Naruto grows flustered, one hand coming up to scratch his cheek; but his eyes have grown bright and his grin is so wide it almost hurts to look at.

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun,” Hinata accepts graciously before glancing at Naruto, her gaze growing fond at the sheer joy she finds in his face.

“We got your letter, y’know?” the blond mutters, warmly squeezing Sasuke’s shoulder. “But it feels really good to hear you say it, Sasuke.”

* * *

Despite the obvious changes, catching up with Naruto feels almost like coming home. The Hokage-to-be is eager to share every minute detail of what his life has been like since the last time they saw each other. Sasuke doesn’t hesitate to remind him that he already knows most of it thanks to the letters they exchanged.

_‘I told you already, it’s not the same, ‘ttebayo!’_

It’s Naruto’s complaint every time Sasuke brings it up. Sasuke gives up with a sigh each time, not nearly as exasperated as he looks.

Hinata respectfully stayed back inside when he and Naruto went out to the yard, most likely wanting to give them space. Sasuke hadn’t missed the grateful look Naruto had given her and frankly, Sasuke’s thankful, too.

Only with Naruto would he feel this at ease talking about his travels and the things he has learnt.

When he’s done, he finds Naruto looking at him with bright eyes and a shameless, fond smile that looks almost proud.

“You should wipe that embarrassing look from your face before someone else sees it, dobe,” he remarks, with feigned annoyance; a little flustered by the sheer affection in his friend’s gaze.

Naruto only chuckles, not even trying to hold back his grin. “It’s just, I was thinking… you sound kind of content, Sasuke. It sucks to not have you around, but… I’m happy you’re getting to see all this stuff. Really.”

“I’m glad for you, too,” he admits quietly, encouraged by Naruto’s heartfelt sincerity. “You look happy.”

“I am! I… never knew being married could be _so_ much fun. I mean, it’s really busy, too, but—” he trails off, wistfully lowering his gaze to his hands. Sasuke waits for Naruto to find the words, attentively watching him. “It feels… _great_ , to know I will never have to come home to an empty house anymore, y’know? That I truly do have a home of my own, ‘ttebayo.”

Sasuke understands what Naruto means. It’s what he longed for, when he spent his childhood alone in the Compound; for one more chance to come home to his mother’s smile, his father’s stern gaze. To Itachi asking him how his day at the academy went.

Naruto must’ve noticed the nostalgia seep into him, because he lowers his face into Sasuke’s peripheral vision; his smile turning hopeful.

“It may not be the same, but… I hope you’ll have this, too, someday, Sasuke,” Naruto gestures behind him. “A home of your own, with a wife and kids and the whole package. I could be uncle Naruto! Tell ‘em all the stories about how I kicked your ass, ‘ttebayo!”

Sasuke rolls his eyes as the blond loses himself in the fairytale he’s painting as a future, his enthusiasm making Sasuke’s lips quirk-up outside his will.

Inwardly, however—Sasuke ponders.

_…A home of my own, huh?_

Despite what is expected of him, he’s not interested in having a wife, nor on having kids. So, then, what could be home for him?

As he looks at the still raving blond sitting by his side, Sasuke muses that the closest thing he has are the memories of his family, and the knowledge that Naruto is there.

_…It’s enough._

He doesn’t need anything else; isn’t sure if he ever will.

Doesn’t even know if he should.

“Sasuke? Earth to Sasuke? Have you even listened to what I’ve been saying?”

Before Sasuke can answer, the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it!” Hinata reassures them from somewhere inside the house, and Naruto scratches his chin.

“Huh, I wonder who it could be? Dinner with Sai and Ino isn’t until tomorrow, ‘ttebayo!”

Curiously, both turn towards the door just in time to see Hinata stepping aside to let in a girl with long, pink hair.

“Oh, it’s Sakura-chan!” Naruto announces, as if Sasuke hasn’t realized it himself.

When her eyes land on him, Sakura hurries outside.

“Sasuke-kun!” she greets with a surprised, elated beam. “Ino told me she felt your chakra, but I didn’t think—”

Naruto sighs, “I’m chopped liver even in my own house, ‘ttebayo...”

“Sorry, Naruto,” Sakura apologizes, raising a hand and winking sheepishly. Then, she turns back towards Sasuke; her face setting into something soft and hopeful, “Welcome home, Sasuke-kun.”

“…I’m back,” the words feel alien as they roll off his tongue; as if they aren’t quite his own. “It’s been a while, Sakura.”

“Yeah… it sure has.”

Naruto clears his throat. “How about you two go take a walk? You can catch up with Sakura-chan while Hinata and I make dinner, Sasuke!” He stresses, answering Sasuke’s questioning stare with a pointed look.

“What a wonderful idea, Naruto!”

Between Naruto’s look and Sakura’s glee, Sasuke knows the choice has already been made for him.

_…No point in arguing, then._

“Right,” he agrees, getting up. “Let’s go, Sakura.”

“Yes!”

* * *

As it turns out, Sakura is just as happy as Naruto to fill him in on everything he has missed; including a lot of gossip Sasuke doesn’t care much for, like the fact that Sai and Ino are now together, and that so are Shikamaru and Gaara’s sister, Temari.

But Sakura looks happy talking to him; cheeks rosy and green eyes positively gleaming. It’s a good look on her, so Sasuke humors her; let’s her talk about everything and anything that crosses her mind, interrupting only when something genuinely catches his interest.

Eventually, they come across a bench and Sakura sits down, keenly watching him with a hopeful smile.

Wordlessly, Sasuke sits down by her side. Sakura’s grin widens, pleased.

“It feels so good to have you back, Sasuke-kun. I was starting to think I’d need to go get you myself,” she teases, good-naturedly.

“You do more good here than you would do coming with me on my travels,” Sasuke points out, shaking his head in wonder at her undeterred drive.

“Mou, don’t say that,” Sakura pouts, but seems to get over it quickly. “Hey, Sasuke-kun, do you think… you’ll be staying here, at least for a little while?” she glances away and then back at him, nervously twirling a stray thread from her skirt. “Because, I was thinking… if you do, maybe we could…”

She lets her words hang in the air; both knowing what follows by heart. It’s the same invitation Sakura has tirelessly given him, ever since their academy days.

Back then, Sasuke would have blown her off; dismissed her feelings with no more than a passing glance and some curt words.

This time, Sasuke asks what he has been wondering all along.

“Sakura. Why do you love me?”

“Eh?!”

The girl looks startled, her blush deepening. Then, she grows nervous, shy; hesitant.

“That’s… well…” when she finds what she wants to say, Sakura’s expression softens. She looks at him with tangible fondness in her gaze, eyes creasing into a smile as she says, “Because… you are _you_ , Sasuke-kun.”

“…I see.”

He doesn’t, not really. But he doesn’t know what else to say to that; doesn’t quite understand how Sakura can be so sure of who he is, when she has never looked into his heart the way Naruto has.

Inwardly, he can’t help but wonder if he and Sakura see the same thing, when he looks into the mirror and she looks into his eyes.

If the Sasuke that Sakura seems to hold so close to her heart is the one sitting beside her now, or the one that shared a classroom with her a lifetime ago; perhaps it’s the Sasuke he could’ve been, when he was assigned into Team 7.

Or maybe it’s someone he hasn’t become just yet.

Someone he may never be.

“Sasuke… kun…”

Sakura’s voice is so soft, he nearly misses it. When he turns to her, Sasuke finds that she is leaning closer to him and giving him an expectant, hopeful stare from underneath her fluttering eyelashes—eyes flitting to his lips and then back to his eyes.

_Stunned, he takes his fingers to his lips. They’re sticky with raspberry lip-gloss._

_Karin has shut the door—but he can still see her clearly before his eyes._

_The red hue of her cheeks; the dazed look in her eyes, only there for the briefest of moments before they widened with fright—as if she were only then realizing what she had done._

_Sasuke’s mind is blank, then. It remains that way even as she pulls him outside and demands he forget._

_But as he stands there, stunned to silence still, one thought crosses his mind—_

Sasuke stands up.

“I should get going.”

The disappointed look in Sakura’s face makes something suspiciously close to guilt pool in his stomach, “Already? But, you just got here…”

“There’s something I’m looking into. Something only I can see, with these eyes.”

Sakura doesn’t look less dejected, “Then… can I come with you?”

_‘I’m counting on you to take care of her, okay, Sasuke?’_

_‘She’s gonna make you happy, if you give her the chance.’_

“…Sorry, Sakura,” Sasuke extends two fingers and flicks her forehead. “Maybe some other time.”

* * *

_—Karin’s lips were warm._

* * *

As he dashes through the trees, Sasuke can’t help but ponder why.

He moved away, when he realized Sakura was hoping for a kiss.

Why hadn’t he done so with Karin, too, before her lips touched his own?

Someone with his reflexes wouldn’t be caught off-guard by a such a simple action; Sasuke knows that much, now.

No, he had let it happen.

Sasuke remembers feeling vaguely curious; wondering what Karin’s intentions were, when her eyelashes lowered and she brought her face closer to his.

He hadn’t expected to be kissed. But he could’ve moved away, once it happened. Could’ve leant back, pushed her away faster than Karin retreated on her own.

Yet, he hadn’t. He had stood there, frozen; made no effort to back away.

The kiss had been quick, no more than a peck on the lips—and yet, it lingered.

The warmth of her lips, the texture of her lip-gloss, the look in her eyes.

They linger now, too.

Along with that flicker of… _something_. Something he can’t put his finger on, something he tried to ignore; but that has persisted, remaining in his periphery and ultimately piquing his curiosity.

Something that wouldn’t be going away on its own.

* * *

_‘You already have someone to come home to, after all.’_

_When he understood what Karin meant, his frown deepened._

Sakura _._

_Sasuke hadn’t asked Sakura to wait, yet he knew that Karin was right._

_But, then, if Sakura was waiting for him—_

_What was he doing there, asking himself all these pointless questions about Karin and her feelings for him?_

* * *

This time, he runs into Suigetsu first.

“Huh? I thought you wouldn’t be back for at least another two years,” the swordsman greets, blinking with surprise; a spoonful of yogurt halfway to his lips.

“Where’s Karin?” Sasuke asks, always one to cut to the chase.

Suigetsu arches both eyebrows. “Karin? She’s in the old Kusa hideout. Whatcha want her for?”

Sasuke turns around; walks back the way he came without saying another word.

“Yeah, nice to see you, too, you jerk!”

* * *

_Karin kissed him._

_It felt different from his first, accidental kiss. With Naruto, there was shock and disgust and anger and embarrassment and the slight taste of ramen. Whenever that kiss popped in his mind when he was young, it did so with the after-taste of annoyance and embarrassment. Whenever he thought about it now, he felt almost… nostalgic._

_But Karin’s was different._

_There was shock, yes. But there was no disgust; no anger, no embarrassment._

_Instead, his lips prickled, and there was a flicker of something warm in his chest._

_Sasuke didn’t know what to make of that._

_He knew better than to knock on Karin’s door to seek answers, though. Given the way she had closed the door on his face, he could tell the redhead didn’t want to see him._

_And even if she did, what would he tell her?_

_What would he do, were Karin to try to kiss him again?_

* * *

Karin is sitting on a rock by the entrance of the Kusa hideout.

She doesn’t look surprised to see him; rather, she looks like she has been expecting him, a tell-tale sign that she has started using her Kagura Shingan again. Inwardly, Sasuke wonders what brought on that change; but he waves the thought aside, attention occupied by more pressing matters.

Just like when he and Suigetsu went to find her at the Southern hideout, Karin cocks her hip to the side; gaze a mixture between wary and curious, “What are you doing here, Sasuke?”

Unlike then, however, he has come to her alone.

Unlike then, he isn’t seeking to convince her to join him; a valuable asset on a lifelong quest for revenge that has little to do with her.

Unlike then, his motives aren’t clear. Straight-forward. A given.

Almost three years ago, he set out into the world to see everything he missed. To find answers. To understand. The world, others. Himself.

To see how he feels, about it all.

And there’s something about Karin that has been weighting on his mind.

 _How foolish,_ he thinks, that he finds himself coming here to answer such pointless questions. But there’s no turning back. Not now.

And so, he offers Karin the simplest reason of all.

“I came to see you.”

* * *

The walk to the kitchen is done in silence.

When they get there, Karin nods towards one of the chairs. Sasuke takes a seat and Karin places an empty mug in front of him; puts some water to boil.

It’s only when the kettle starts whistling that Karin breaks the silence, impatiently tapping her foot against the ground.

“So. What did you wanna see me for?”

Sasuke wraps his hand around the mug; stares down at its empty bottom as he gathers his thoughts.

“…I want to understand.”

Karin’s brows draw together. “Huh? Understand what?”

“Karin,” he raises his eyes to hers, deciding to address what started it all. “Why did you kiss me?”

The effect of his question is immediate. Karin jumps backwards; raises both arms before her like shields, her face contorting in a mixture between surprise and embarrassment that Sasuke would’ve mistaken as anger, if he knew less than he knows now.

“Wha—what—the hell are you talking about, Sasuke?! I d—don’t remember doing such a—!”

“ _Karin_.”

Karin clicks her tongue; points a damning finger at him while simultaneously adjusting her glasses with her other hand. “Sasuke, you bastard! That was almost a year ago! Who the hell do you think you are, coming here to bring it up like that?!”

“Karin,” Sasuke tries again, eyes narrowing with impatience. “Just answer the question.”

The redhead lets out an indignant sound and turns her back to him, angrily babbling something unintelligible under her breath; Sasuke can only catch _stupid question_ and _obvious_ before Karin straightens and glances at him over her shoulder, eyes set in a glare.

“Because I love— _loved_ you, you idiot! Why else would I have k—ki—done _that_ , you absolute moron!”

Sasuke frowns, unimpressed. Just as he has always thought, romantic love is utterly foolish; it makes people do outlandish things, like changing themselves to please the other—like blushing and stuttering and acting like fools.

Like wanting to kiss each other.

But Karin, she doesn’t praise; she insults instead. She doesn’t blush when their eyes meet; she glares at him, dares him to cross her. Karin doesn’t wear her affections proudly for the whole world to see; she holds them in like a secret instead, like something that belongs only to her.

He knows that for his old admirers, as well as for Sakura, loving him meant wanting to go on dates with him. Fantasizing about him; dreaming of romance.

It also meant disappointment. Indifference. Crushing rejection.

_‘I... know in my heart that there's nothing I can do... even though I love you!! Even though I care so much about you, Sasuke!!’_

Tears and heartbreak.

_‘She who you came close to killing once... she feels for and spills tears over you, even now... because she suffers from loving you!’_

But they persisted; naively held onto him hoping that one day, their dreams would bear fruit.

However, Karin isn’t naïve, nor innocent, nor foolish; she must’ve known that loving him would bear no fruits.

_So, then… why?_

“You’re no fool, Karin. Loving me must’ve made you suffer, so why want to play at romance?”

“The hell? Who said it made me suffer?!” the redhead turns to him, face opening with surprise and then wrinkling with confusion.

Sasuke’s frown deepens, “I—”

“ _Almost killed me_ , I know! We’ve been over this already! But that’s—that’s not how it usually was between… you know, _us_ ,” Karin swallows; averts her eyes, as if the simple fact of grouping herself with Sasuke were too big a confession; too telling an admission.

“…I was always distant.”

To his surprise, Karin looks unimpressed. “No shit. That’s just the way you are, why the hell would I mind?”

Sakura’s voice begs to differ; it echoes in his head, sad and broken.

_‘Why don’t you ever tell me anything? Why do you have to be so silent? Why can’t you just… let me in?’_

“So, you never wanted anything out of me?” he probes, disbelieving.

That seems to strike a chord, because the redhead suddenly doesn’t look so composed anymore.

“I… never said that,” she mutters reluctantly, pulling at her glasses. The confusion must have shown on his face, because Karin continues, looking more uncomfortable by the second.

“I wanted… a lot of things. To _do_ … a lot of things. With you. _For_ you.” She huffs, obstinately clicking her tongue, “But… my feelings are my problem, not yours.”

Sasuke shakes his head to himself. Romantic love is utterly foolish and even Karin isn’t invulnerable to it; even she can give in to it, can lose control and claim his lips despite fighting this hard to hold her feelings in.

Sasuke doesn’t understand it. Doesn’t understand the particular brand of affection Karin seems to harbor for him. What are those things, that Karin wanted to do with him? For him?

He wonders if he should even ask.

“Tch. Why the hell are you so interested in this all of a sudden, Sasuke?!” Karin cries out, branding a tea-bag at him as if it were a kunai.

Not waiting for a response, the redhead stomps over to pour him tea, full lips curled down in a scowl. “Why come here to ask all these stupid questions?!”

In her haste, she bumps against his shoulder; stands so close that Sasuke can smell her perfume, feel the warmth of her body seep into his.

The feeling in his chest flickers at her proximity; unsatisfied, unexplained.

Without thinking, his hand shoots to grab her wrist before she can get away.

“…Sasuke?”

Sasuke stares down at the ripples on the surface of his tea, fingers tightening around Karin’s wrist.

It occurs to him, then, that Karin is right. Her feelings are her problem, not his.

But he can’t say the same about his own.

He thought seeing with his own eyes and hearing with his own ears would be enough, but it seems he was wrong. It’s not enough for this. Not to answer the questions he faces.

_I want to understand…_

He moved away, when he realized Sakura was hoping for a kiss.

Why hadn’t he done so with Karin, before her lips touched his own?

Why had he thought of her, as Sakura drew closer?

What is it that he had felt, when Karin’s lips met her his own?

What is it that he feels now, whenever he thinks of her?

Why has the feeling persisted? Why does it refuse to go away?

His eyes dart to her lips.

Ever since that flicker made itself at home in his chest, he has avoided questioning it; has told himself it isn’t worth his time. But, the truth is—with the passing months, the timid, strange feeling had caught his eye, and he had started _wondering_ —

“…Sasuke,” Karin’s hand has gone stiff in his hold. When his stare touches hers, he finds that she’s looking at him with apprehension—but he can feel her pulse beating wildly under his thumb. “Have you… gone crazy?” She asks, as if she were somehow privy to his thoughts.

He snorts. _That would explain a lot_.

Sasuke stands up; turns his body towards her, holds her stare with eyes filled with intent. Because, he knows now—

_I need to feel with my own skin, too._

Sasuke calls her name, “ _Karin,_ ” a question and a demand all at once.

The redhead freezes; like she can’t decide whether to bolt or to give in—until she swallows, voice but a breathless surrender.

“…Suit yourself.”

 _Romantic love is so foolish,_ Sasuke thinks, as he draws closer to her. Surrender doesn’t fit Karin; it never has.

His lips meet hers almost too soon. There's no shock this time, either. No disgust. No embarrassment. Instead, Sasuke is aware of her lip-gloss— _raspberry, again_. Of how full her lips feel against his. Of the odd kind of warmth that’s making his own lips prickle, his fingers itch.

Of that flicker of a feeling blazing a little brighter, a little stronger.

When Sasuke leans back, he finds Karin staring at him—eyes glazed over and burning with something akin to hunger. The fire in those red eyes seems to spread, because something in Sasuke’s chest catches, too.

She takes off her glasses; exhales his name in a breath that feels more like a shudder, “Sasuke…”

Softly, tentatively, she raises her free hand to his face, eyes searching his. When Sasuke doesn’t move away, Karin allows herself to cup his cheek, the touch so unexpectedly tender that it makes a shiver run down his spine.

“I don’t know what you’re playing at… but if you keep this up, I can’t promise you I’ll be able to hold back,” she warns, voice taut.

Sasuke finds his pulse speeding up a notch; adrenaline and something similar and different all at once.

Karin’s words feel like a challenge, and Sasuke—

Sasuke’s never been the type to back down from one.

“Then, don’t.”

Karin stills. Her eyes dart to his fingers; to the way they tighten around her wrist. She shakes her head, almost with disbelief, “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Show me.”

Her stare falls back on his, eyes boring into his own; and Karin must find something in them, because the wildfire in her gaze finally burns her hesitation away.

The redhead licks her lips.

“…You asked for it, Sasuke.”

In one swift movement, the hand that was holding his cheek slips behind his neck and pulls him down to her. Karin stands on her tiptoes and sinks into him; presses her chest flat against his, so Sasuke has to switch his hold to her hip to keep his balance.

When his fingers sink into the skin of her hipbone, Karin opens her mouth; breathes him in—and something in Sasuke gives.

.

.

.

_A warning sign  
It came back to haunt me, and I realized  
That you were an island and I passed you by  
When you were an island to discover_

_  
So I crawl back into your open arms_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um... yeah. There's a lot to unpack this chapter, isn't there?
> 
> If it were up to me, Sasuke and Karin would have months and years to take things slow and figure things out. But... the canon timeline demands that things move. And fast.
> 
> Next time: timing is not on Sasuke and Karin's side—and Sakura fulfills her childhood dream.


	5. Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the weeks that went by since his visit to Konoha, since his reunion with Karin—Sasuke has thought long and hard about a lot of things.
> 
> About himself. About Karin. About himself and Karin.
> 
> And yet—somehow, Sasuke has managed to forget the one thing he already knew.
> 
> _‘I’m counting on you to take care of her, okay, Sasuke?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much as always to everyone who has reviewed and left kudos! Your comments are an absolute joy to read and writing this fic wouldn't be the same without you all.
> 
> You all know what's coming in this chapter. I just hope I can make the pain worth your while.
> 
> **Edit 02/01/2021** : Happy New Year, everyone! This chapter was previously called _Lullabies_ , but I decided to update the chapter title because _Say Something_ fits this one like a globe and it kills me in all the right ways.

**Chapter 4**

_Say Something_

.

.

.

_Eight Months Ago_

_“Are you okay, Karin?”_

_Juugo asked for what must’ve been the hundredth time. For someone who was usually so good at respecting boundaries, he sure was pushing his luck._

_Which meant Karin must be doing a piss-poor job at hiding her heart._

_“I’m_ fine _,” she hissed, pretending to be engrossed in the book she was holding. When the weight of Juugo’s stare didn’t go away, she glanced up; sure enough, he didn’t look convinced. His brows were drawn in the same light frown that had taken to his features since that morning, when Sasuke had walked away from them to go who knows where._

_Karin scowled, aggravated, “What do you want me to say, huh?”_

_“How about you tell us what happened?” Suigetsu not-so-helpfully suggested, loudly dropping himself on a cushion; the annoying, ever-present grin still on his face._

_Karin narrowed her eyes, wary despite knowing they hadn’t been there to see her lose the fight. “Whaddaya mean,_ what happened? _Nothing happened!”_

_“Bullshit,” Suigetsu snorted. “There was some_ palpable _tension between you and Sasuke just now. And before you try and tell me I have an overactive imagination, lemme just say that even_ Juugo _here noticed.”_

_Karin gave Juugo an accusatory look, but the taller man didn’t deny Suigetsu’s claims. With a frustrated growl, Karin threw her book at Suigetsu, who made no effort to avoid it._

_“Shut up, Suigetsu, you ass! This is all your fault in the first place!”_

_His eyes went round with feigned innocence. “Me? Whatever did I do this time?”_

_“You know damn well what you did! You told Sasuke that I—that I—you know!”_

_Suigetsu perked up, excitedly pointing at her like a kid at a candy store, “Aha! So, you and Sasuke_ did _talk about it!”_

_Karin grunted, folding her arms and sinking lower on her cushion._

Damn it, I fell right into his trap. Stupid Suigetsu!

_She was about to rip him a new one when Juugo shifted on his seat, his voice kind but hesitant._

_“It didn’t go well?”_

_The concern in his voice must’ve done a number on her, because Karin found herself begrudgingly admitting the embarrassing truth._

_“…It was a fucking disaster, all right? Can we drop it already?”_

_Juugo came to her side; placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, “I’m sorry, Karin.”_

_“…Guess I should’ve kept my mouth shut, huh.”_

_Somehow, Suigetsu managed to sound more surprised than apologetic._

_Karin sent him a dark look, “No shit, asshole!”_

_Juugo’s fingers squeezed her shoulder, then, calling for her attention, “…Do you think you will be able to move on, now?”_

…Move on, huh?

_These past two years, Karin thought that she was moving on. That each day, she got a little closer to getting over Sasuke._

Bullshit.

_That unplanned kiss hadn’t only been an admission of her stubborn, lasting feelings; no. It hadn’t simply been a moment of weakness; a temporary lapse in judgement. An expression of her desire._

_No, it had been an admission of defeat. Plain and simple._

_All she did these past two years was run away from her feelings; bury them one memory at a time, as if they were meaningless._

_But they weren’t._

_Her feelings for Sasuke were a beacon of light in the dark years she spent in Oto; they gave her purpose, something to look forward to. Something pure to hold onto, despite all the atrocities she saw and did._

_Those feelings had not wavered; had not weakened, had not faltered. If anything, they had become even stronger._

_Karin knew now, with blinding clarity, that there was no moving on from Sasuke; not from the way she felt about him._

_The realization should have annoyed her; it should have frustrated her, pained her, even. Yet, it didn’t._

_Instead, Karin found some sort of strange comfort in it; in knowing that, no matter what may happen—how far apart Sasuke might be, who he may build a home with—her heart would always beat more fully, more warmly for him._

_She liked that feeling. Cherished it._

_Sasuke may never be hers, but… her love for him was._

_And Karin could live with that._

* * *

_Now_

She had been naïve, thinking that embracing her feelings like that wouldn’t cost her.

If she had known back then just how much, she would have sewn her mouth shut; would have stayed as far as possible from Sasuke, her heart hidden safely in her chest.

But she had slipped. Had given in for a traitorous breath, for an unforgettable brush of his lips. One kiss alone is all it took for her walls to crumble like dust around her feet; and the ones that came after them weren’t the same.

No, these walls—they ached. Longed. Yearned. _Loved_.

So, when Sasuke came back to her, chakra rippling with the confusion of wanting something he didn’t understand himself—Karin hadn’t found the will to fight.

Instead, she had felt her heart throbbing in her throat, in her fingertips, in her lips; a ticking bomb that not even she could defuse.

In the aftermath of the explosion, Karin finds _it_ again—budding inside her like a flower.

The same treacherous, frightening feeling that beat against her ribcage as Sasuke stared at her in her room eight months ago.

_Hope._

It’s the most dangerous feeling of all, she knows; and yet, this time, Karin has a hard time squashing it.

No matter how many times she reminds herself that Sasuke’s place is not by her side, that it has never been—that she has nothing to offer him and wouldn’t know how to make him happy the way his old team did. That she doesn’t need him and loving him is enough for her—the hope refuses to yield. It grows roots instead, like bad weed, begging the question—

_…What if you’re wrong?_

Reminding her that—

_…That’s for Sasuke to decide._

She has not seen Sasuke again, not since his unexpected visit. Not since what happened between them.

But she doesn’t need to.

Somehow, his chakra never seems to stray too far from the hideout.

* * *

There is something brewing under the surface.

Something shifting, growing, rising—something between him and Karin.

Something unknown but familiar all at once.

It comes to find him in his moments of solitude; shapeshifts into her eyes, her touch, her voice. Whenever it does, that feeling blazes a little brighter, a little warmer. Still nameless, indecipherable; undeniably there.

Comforting, yet… daunting.

Sasuke doesn’t know if he wants to give it a name; doesn’t think he’s ready for it, not as he is. Not with everything he has left to do, to learn, to fix.

… _Even if I were, what good would that do?_

Sasuke doesn’t know how to play at romance. Has never been interested in doing it.

_…Why should it be any different with Karin?_

He has nothing to offer her. Nothing to his name. Certainly not his heart.

Yet, he lingers.

The hours become days, the days turn to weeks—and he still finds himself setting camp mere kilometers away from her hideout, knowingly choosing spots within the range of her Kagura Shingan. Always coming back, despite what dimensions he may visit during the day.

The reason doesn’t escape him.

He left something undone in that hideout. With Karin. Something Sasuke intends to finish, once he understands his heart.

Until then, Sasuke thinks it’s wiser to keep his distance.

He can’t risk it happening again.

* * *

_‘Sasuke… will you regret it?’_

* * *

He has just stepped out of the portal when he hears it; tree branches crunching under someone’s weight, leaves shaking as whoever it is approaches—and fast.

He draws his sword without hesitation; turns on his Sharingan.

“Who’s there? Show yourself!” he demands, right as a cloaked figure lands on the branch directly above him.

“Sasuke-kun,” the voice greets, breathless and entirely too familiar.

Sasuke’s eyes widen with realization.

“…Sakura.”

The girl pushes back her hood and shakes loose her long, pink hair; face bright and satisfied. “I finally found you!”

* * *

_‘Sasuke… will you regret it?’_

_Karin had asked him, quietly; curiously._

_When he turned to face her, he found no judgement in her eyes._

* * *

Karin busies herself with Orochimaru’s research; keeps her mind occupied and the memories at bay. But when her heart inevitably reaches out and finds his chakra, the hope grows another bud.

Karin is no fool. She knows what it means, that he hasn’t strayed far; knows that if she can sense him, it’s because he’s letting her.

She could go to him; could track him down and demand he tell her what’s on his mind, on his heart. But Karin knows better; there are things Sasuke needs to figure out on his own. Things she would only interfere with, if she were close.

That’s why this is Sasuke’s way of asking her to wait.

Karin knows that much.

She doesn’t know what she’s waiting for; won’t even allow herself the luxury of taking a guess. But at night, as she lies in bed, Karin closes her eyes and tells herself that it doesn’t matter anyway.

_All that matters is that Sasuke’s happy._

If his happiness is in Konoha—with his old team, with the girl he left behind, Karin will support him. She will hope for his happiness, support him any way she can; just as she always has.

She will love him all the way, too; silently, unfalteringly, just as she has always done.

And if… _if_ Sasuke were to think that perhaps, he could be happy with them. With Taka. With her. _Then_ —

_Stop that!_

Karin rolls on her side, curls a hand around the sheets; fights the hope until she falls asleep.

The hours become days; the days turn to weeks.

When Sasuke’s chakra finally approaches the hideout, Karin’s entire body grows tense.

Anticipation beats in her wrists, quickening the pace of her pulse—only to turn into wariness, once Karin realizes Sasuke’s not coming alone.

For a moment, she can’t quite place the familiar chakra that trails behind him. Then realization sets in; bitter and sweet all at once.

Somewhere inside her, the hope starts withering; one bud at a time.

* * *

_Sasuke had frowned, lips pressing together into a tight line._

_‘What about you?’_

_‘I won’t,’ Karin stated easily, firmly. ‘…But I won’t hold it against you, if it’s not the same for you.’_

* * *

Sakura had come to him with a letter in Naruto’s handwriting, but her resolute stare had revealed her true intentions even before she said them aloud.

_‘Sasuke-kun, I want to be with you. Please, let me join you!’_

The resolve had quickly given way to disappointment when Sasuke shook his head, his brow furrowing with something close to concern. _‘Sakura… we’ve been over this.’_

The disappointment still clings to her skin now, as she follows a silent Sasuke through the forest. The most stubborn side of her tells her to try again; to insist until Sasuke caves in. Sakura doesn’t have the heart to listen to it; resigns herself to having to try another time, when Sasuke is more willing to listen to reason.

When the trees clear, they come across a cave—a girl stands before it, arms crossed and face twisted into an unwelcoming frown.

With slight surprise, Sakura realizes it’s the redhead she healed on that bridge, years ago; the one that used to be on Sasuke’s make-shift squad.

“Karin,” Sasuke greets, and Sakura finally learns her name. “Sakura needs supplies. She’s going back to Konoha.”

Hearing those words again makes her shoulders slouch a little more, her heart weight a little heavier. However, curiosity breaks through the dejection as she sees the way Karin clicks her tongue; glare as sharp as a senbon needle and aimed straight towards Sasuke.

“I’m not a shop, Sasuke! Why don’t you get your supplies from a village nearby instead of coming here to bother me, huh?”

Sakura can’t help the way her eyes grow a little rounder, her back straightening with surprise. _I’ve never heard anyone talk like this to Sasuke-kun… not aside from Naruto._

She risks a look at Sasuke, her bewilderment only increasing when she finds no traces of annoyance in his face. He just looks at the redhead with focused, dark eyes.

“… _Karin_ ,” he stresses, as if her name has a meaning of its own.

“I got it, I got it!”

The girl sighs. Suddenly, her piercing, red eyes are set on Sakura. “You—Sakura, right?”

Sakura blinks, surprised still, “I… yes.”

Karin nods at her and then towards the cave behind her, the gesture clear as day. “Come with me.”

The redhead starts walking without waiting for a response. Unsure, Sakura turns to Sasuke. He meets her stare only briefly; enough to give her a nod that she guesses is meant to be reassuring.

Then, his gaze moves back to the retreating redhead, despite making no effort to follow after her.

Sakura is used to Sasuke’s mind being a mystery; used to wishing he would share his thoughts, let her understand his heart.

She finds herself aching for that understanding then, too; as Sasuke’s eyes set in a look Sakura can’t quite remember having ever seen there before.

* * *

_‘…Because your feelings are your problem,’ Sasuke had pointed out, thoughtfully._

_Karin’s lips had quirked up at that, her eyes brightening with amusement. ‘Heh, so you_ were _paying attention, Sasuke.’_

* * *

The sadness in Sakura’s chakra is so thick that it’s almost suffocating.

Karin tries to ignore it; just like she had tried to ignore the girls’ tears back then, when Sasuke broke both of their hearts and Karin couldn’t muster the enough strength to cry for her own.

_What happens between you two is none of my business,_ Karin thinks, adamantly focusing on gathering the supplies; her back deliberately turned towards Sakura’s dejected form. _I don’t want to know how you feel. I have enough with my own feelings, damn it!_

“…Karin-san.”

Inwardly, Karin curses.

“Just Karin’s fine,” she bites out, voice harsher than she intended.

Sakura doesn’t seem to notice and if she does, she doesn’t take it to heart.

“You… saw what happened at that bridge and told me to give up on Sasuke-kun,” the girl starts, wearing a sad smile. “You must think I’m crazy to still be chasing after him…”

_Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, I never asked to see it!_

“I don’t think anything. Whatever you do is not my business.”

Despite her bravado, Karin feels the vulnerability of this girl once again pulling at her heart-strings. It must be that which rips the words from her; that which makes them sound so uncomfortably mellow, “Besides… if you’re crazy, that must make two of us.”

Behind her, the girl loudly draws in a breath. Karin can almost hear the gears moving behind that forehead of hers, but she does nothing to help the pieces fall into place.

“The one who hurt you back then… it was… Sasuke-kun, wasn’t it?” Sakura mutters at last, voice heavy with understanding. “But you forgave him, just like I did. That means… you must care a lot about him.”

Karin’s fingers tighten around the pouch she’s holding. She wants nothing more than to tell Sakura to drop the subject; to stop twisting the knife.

But the girl is suddenly standing up, her voice gaining momentum.

“I… love Sasuke-kun with my whole heart, Karin-san,” she confesses, as if Karin doesn’t know this. As if one look at Sakura weren’t enough to tell. “I’m sure that… if Sasuke-kun just _lets_ me, I can make him happy. With me by his side, he won’t ever feel lonely again. I’d do _anything_ for him, _so_ …! So, won’t you help me, Karin-san?”

Her voice is heartfelt; painfully sincere in a way that is simply out of Karin’s reach.

_‘She saved me… and she loves you a lot. I could tell.’_

Sakura sounds so certain; so incredibly confident that she can make Sasuke happy. There’s no doubt in her eyes, in her voice, in her chakra.

If their roles were switched, could Karin stand there and claim the same with that much certainty?

Can she say so, now?

Karin thinks back to Sasuke’s smile in the Forest of Death; to his smile as he stood before them in the aftermath of the war, with one arm less but with his heart in peace.

It wasn’t Karin who brought out those feelings in him; it was them. His old team.

They made him happy. Gave him warmth. Brought him peace.

If Sasuke were to stay with her—with Suigetsu and Juugo, what would become of him? Would he find more reasons to believe that the world can be a good place, a kind place? Or would he grow restless at the incessant reminders of all the ways this world can break children like them?

“Sasuke wouldn’t know happiness if it knocked off his teeth,” Karin points out, gaze measuring as she faces Sakura. “What makes you be so sure you can make that blockhead happy, huh?”

Sakura looks down, a fond smile flitting on her features. “You… probably know this already, but Sasuke-kun, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and I were a team when we were younger. Sasuke-kun… was happy, then. If we’re together again, I _know_ it can be like the old times… no, even better,” the girl decides, face growing determined again. “I’ll make sure of it!”

Karin takes a deep breath, eyes never straying from Sakura.

_I knew it._

With this girl who loves him so much, Sasuke can have it all. His old team. A family. A home. A real chance at happiness. At peace.

Karin, Suigetsu and Juugo—they have nowhere to go. They’re stuck in time; their only ties to each other and to a dark past that will always follow them.

Karin wants more than that for Sasuke. Now that he has started to look forward, she wants him to keep moving towards a brighter future.

_That’s why—_

_‘She’s gonna make you happy, if you give her the chance, Sasuke.’_

She believed it, then. And she believes so, now.

_That’s why—_

Karin bites the inside of her cheek; pushes her glasses further up her nose, holds tightly onto her hip to keep her fingers from shaking.

_It’s for the best._

“Not sure how you expect me to help, Sasuke’s too stubborn to listen to anyone. But…”

Sakura perks up, hopeful, “But…?”

Karin swallows the hesitation down; pushes the warmth of Sasuke’s lips—of his touch, of his chakra—away.

“…I hope things can work out for the two of you.”

Seals them somewhere close to her heart.

* * *

_Karin’s eyes slid shut; her breathing evened._

_As Sasuke stared at her sleeping form, he couldn’t help but wonder._

_Just for how long had Karin been giving him so much, while asking for so little?_

* * *

When Sakura appeared before him, Sasuke was taken aback. It wasn’t only that he hadn’t expected her to come, and to do so this suddenly; no. More than that—

Sasuke had realized that the girl hadn’t crossed his mind.

In the weeks that went by since his visit to Konoha, since his reunion with Karin—Sasuke had thought long and hard about a lot of things.

About himself. About Karin. About himself and Karin.

And yet—somehow, Sasuke had managed to forget the one thing he already knew.

_‘I’m counting on you to take care of her, okay, Sasuke?’_

Naruto had asked him. Hadn’t Sasuke thought so, himself? That after everything he put Sakura through, it would be too cruel for him to give what’s left of his heart to anyone else?

Then, why—?

Why was it that he has never asked himself any questions about him and Sakura?

Why was it that as the girl stood before him, his fingers didn’t itch, his pulse didn’t quicken?

Why was it that all he felt was a twinge of guilt—of concern?

_No… I know why._

He has known it for some time, now; ever since Sakura had looked at him with fluttering eyelashes and his body instinctively moved away.

_For better or worse—_

He finds her alone in the kitchen. There’s a book in her hands, but one look at her is enough to tell she is just pretending to read.

Inwardly, Sasuke holds back a sigh.

“Karin.”

The redhead grunts, but makes no effort to acknowledge his presence otherwise. Sasuke can’t help but to frown lightly at her predisposition. His disapproval must’ve leaked into his chakra, because Karin clicks her tongue before he can say anything.

“What do you want, Sasuke?” she snaps, eyes still stubbornly set on her book. “If you’re looking for Sakura, she’s washing herself, so you can wai—”

“I’m not.”

Karin finally looks up at that, an irritated frown darkening her face. “Huh. What is it, then? Spit it out ‘cuz I haven’t got all day.”

Sasuke’s brows draw together again; part exasperation, part confusion. He isn’t sure he understands what’s gotten Karin in such a mood, but he knows better than to try and guess.

“Karin, why are you being so difficult?”

The redhead shifts in her seat; finally puts her book down. There’s an uneasy air to her as she asks, remarkably calmly this time, “…What do you want, Sasuke?”

_You didn’t answer the question_ , is what he thinks but doesn’t say, choosing to state the obvious instead.

“To talk about what happened. Between you and I.”

“Yeah? Well, I don’t.”

This time, Sasuke does sigh. “ _Karin_.”

“What did you think, Sasuke? That you could show up here whenever you feel like it and I’d be at your beck and call?” Karin crosses her arms across her chest, eyes set into an airy glare, “Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not how it works.”

Karin’s reproach takes him by surprise. He assumed Karin could tell; that she understood why it was that he didn’t come back, yet never strayed far.

It seems he was wrong.

The revelation makes him lose some of his footing; grow uncertain about how to proceed. Karin must be able to tell, because her frown fades.

“Sasuke…” she licks her lips, and even Sasuke can discern the hesitation in her voice as she says, “Have you thought that if it’s taken you this long to come back here… maybe it’s just not worth it?”

He can only stare, puzzled by the sudden turn the conversation and Karin’s mood have taken. “…What do you mean?”

For a second, something close to sorrow seems to weigh on Karin’s gaze; but the redhead is closing her eyes and shaking her head before Sasuke can be sure of what he has seen.

“Listen, just forget about it, okay?”

She pushes her chair back, clutches onto her book. “You shouldn’t keep Sakura waiting.”

“Sakura has nothing to do with this,” Sasuke counters without missing a beat, eyes narrowing.

“She has everything to do with this!” Karin fires back, glaring. “She fucking _loves_ you, Sasuke! She wants to give you a _home_.”

_I never asked for it_ , is what he bites back, jaw clenching. _I never asked for any of it._

“Bringing Sakura here was a mistake”, he ponders instead, shaking his head in wonder. He should’ve figured that seeing Sakura would make Karin start getting ideas again, but he had thought—

“The only mistake’s what happened between us.”

There’s a pang somewhere in his chest; sharp and unexpected.

“…You said you wouldn’t regret it.”

It takes Karin a long moment to return his look. When her stare meets his, it betrays nothing. “So, what? I was wrong.”

Despite himself, he can feel his temper flaring; defensive.

_Hurt_.

“Bullshit.”

“The hell did you just say?”

“Suigetsu was right. You’re a bad liar, Karin.”

One of them is bluffing, Sasuke knows. He isn’t entirely sure it’s not himself.

Karin snorts, rolling her eyes, “Yeah, that’s why you _totally_ noticed the way I felt about you.”

“It’s not like you did a good job at hiding it. I just didn’t care enough to notice.”

The childish words are out before he has even acknowledged them; their aftertaste so bitter, it almost makes him wince. Across the table, Karin’s eyes widen—the flash of hurt so raw it’s impossible to miss.

He finds himself taking a step towards her, his anger fading like clouds after a storm. “Karin—”

The redhead gathers herself before he can reach her. “We’re done here, Sasuke,” she mutters, making it to walk past him.

Just like that day, his hand instinctively shoots to grab her wrist before she can get away.

“I’m not done with you,” he tells her, and means it.

He doesn’t let go when she tries to pull away. From this close, he can see it; Karin’s cool façade slipping, giving way to the fire that he has come to know so well. He readies himself for it; expects Karin to tell him all the ways in which he’s being a fool—all the places where he can shove it.

He doesn’t expect her mouth to demand answers instead.

“Why the hell not?! What am I to you, huh, Sasuke?!”

His eyes widen. Karin’s do, too.

Suddenly, her arm goes limp in his hold; her body sags, as if worn down by something Sasuke cannot see. By something he cannot understand.

The Karin standing before him now looks tired. Vulnerable.

The sight makes his throat go dry; his chest ache.

“What… am I to you?”

That Karin repeats, softer this time; her eyes never leaving his.

‘ _What do you see her as?’_ Suigetsu had asked him once.

Karin is still the strongest girl he knows. The hardest to handle. The most confusing. The woman he trusts to watch his back, and to point the way forward.

But since then—Karin has also become the woman who kissed him. The woman he kissed back.

The woman he shared a bed with.

_‘Karin’s my nakama,’_ had been the answer he gave Suigetsu, but Sasuke’s no fool.

Nakama don’t kiss each other; don’t touch each other the way they had. No, the label no longer fit Karin; maybe it never had.

But Karin isn’t his woman. Sasuke’s acutely aware of that as they stare at each other; impossibly close and yet so far apart.

She isn’t his nakama and neither is she his woman. Sasuke doesn’t know what that makes her. All that he knows is, that for better or worse—

“Sasuke-k— _Oh_.”

Startled, both of them turn only to find Sakura standing in the entrance to the kitchen; green eyes wide and darting from one to the other.

“Am I… interrupting something?”

The silence makes the air grow thicker; heavier.

_For better or worse—_

He feels something for Karin.

Something he has never felt for Sakura.

_‘I’ll do anything for you, Sasuke! Just, please… please, please, don’t go!’_

It makes guilt pool in his stomach.

‘ _But… But, Sasuke! If there’s even a little corner of your heart that thinks about me… please don’t leave again!’_

Makes him grit his teeth.

He knows what he is expected to do. What he _should_ do.

_‘I’m counting on you to take care of her, okay, Sasuke?’_

Whatever it is that is happening between him and Karin—it’s not right.

It can’t be.

Yet his feet brought him here. To her.

_…How foolish._

Single-mindedly, without even thinking of the consequences—a part of him was hoping for Karin to make sense of it. To point the way forward, just like she has always done.

Like she did when she kissed him. Like she did when she made him hers.

Sasuke turns back to Karin; searches her eyes, wills his own to convey what he cannot say aloud.

_Karin. Tell me._

The redhead shakes her head sadly, eyes flickering with a look Sasuke has come to know only too well.

His hold on her wrist loosens.

Karin steps away; schools her features into faint irritation. Turns to Sakura.

“Never mind that, Sakura. Sasuke’s gonna drive me up the wall if you two don’t get out of here, are ya ready to leave yet?”

“Yeah…” he can feel Sakura’s curious gaze fall back on him, but he makes no effort to return her look. “Sasuke-kun…?”

_…So, this is it, then._

Sasuke closes his eyes.

_‘I’m counting on you…’_

He feels something for Karin. Something he doesn’t feel for Sakura.

_‘…to take care of her…’_

Whatever it is—whatever it is that Karin is to him—

_‘…okay, Sasuke?’_

_…It’s pointless._

He has just been prolonging the inevitable, after all.

“…Have it your way,” Sasuke mutters at last, before turning away. “Sakura. Go back to Konoha or come with me. Suit yourself.”

He walks past both girls, cloak fluttering behind him.

And so, he misses the way Sakura’s eyes fill with disbelief and then glee; the way she raises a fist, yells something nonsensical that sounds close to _shannaro_ —

The way Karin sinks her nails in her palms to fight back the tears as she returns Sakura’s blinding smile.

* * *

‘ _Sasuke… will you regret it?’_

_He did regret some of it. Regretted taking so much from Karin when he had nothing to give her in return._

* * *

They leave the hideout in a hurry.

Sasuke doesn’t hang back as Karin and Sakura bid goodbye to each other; walking ahead and opening a portal instead.

There is no point in staying close to the hideout; not anymore.

His business here is done.

_It has to be._

When Sakura finally joins his side, Sasuke allows himself to glance back at Karin.

She stares back at him; the usual hard look in her eyes fading into something softer, something that rings truer.

For a moment, Sasuke thinks Karin is going to say something. Anything.

She doesn’t. She just stares at him, silently; acceptant. Tall and unbreakable, despite the resignation in her eyes.

It occurs to him, then, that maybe it’s for the best.

For the best that whatever it is that he feels for Karin is left as a road untrodden; as a name he can’t afford to give. An answer he has no right to find.

After all, Karin doesn’t need him.

“…Sasuke-kun?”

But Sakura, though—Sakura does.

Sasuke sets his jaw; turns away and into the portal.

The feeling in his chest flickers—leaves behind an ache.

* * *

_Yet, when he thought back to it—to what he and Karin had shared—_

* * *

The last time he traveled with Sakura, he was thirteen.

It feels odd, at first; a little awkward, even, unlike with Suigetsu and Juugo. Sasuke muses that it’s probably because Naruto used to always be there to fill their silences; to string Sasuke into an argument, or engage Sakura into meaningless chatter about something or another.

Back then, most of the times Sasuke and Sakura were alone together involved the pink-haired girl gushing over him or Sasuke worrying her sick.

Sakura doesn’t do either anymore, something Sasuke’s inwardly grateful for. Yet, he can still notice the vestiges of her old habits.

She puts on a reassuring smile even when Sasuke can tell that she’s tired of walking. Instead of forcing him to take a break, like Naruto or Suigetsu would’ve done, Sakura forces herself to keep going instead; always unexplainably eager to please him.

When he includes her in his deductions about Kaguya and the Ōtsutsuki, her face lights up with delight. When their hands brush as they reach for the same bag, her cheeks go pink.

When they were young, that used to exasperate him. _Why does Sakura waste so much time crushing over me when she could be trying to get stronger like me and Naruto?_ He would think, each and every time the girl would inevitably try to ask him out on a date.

Now, Sakura is strong. One of the strongest, in her own right.

She proved as such, during the war. Sasuke is genuinely proud of her for that.

Yet around him, she is still helpless; fragile.

… _Guess some things will never change, huh._

Sasuke can’t help but wonder if that is okay. Wonders if Sakura is happy that way.

Sasuke doesn’t know if he is. But with the passing days, there’s a quiet sort of acceptance building within him—and Sasuke figures it must be enough.

In the crevasses of his mind as he lays awake at night, he can hear their words. Naruto’s. Karin’s. Kakashi’s.

‘ _Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers! She only wants to save you!’_ his old teacher had told him, and Sasuke finds that he doesn’t know what to make of that.

Naruto has already saved him. Yet, Sakura is still here; still leaving behind her friends, her family, her home, just to follow him.

“Sakura. What do you want from me?”

It’s been a little over three weeks since they started traveling together. The question leaves Sasuke’s lips as they’re packing up their camp; Sakura jumps a little where she’s kneeling on the ground, her cheeks darkening wtih a blush.

Sasuke waits in silence until she has gathered herself. When she does, Sakura stands up and faces him head-on; clear eyes bright and resolute.

“I’ll repeat it as many times as it takes. Sasuke-kun, I love you! I love you so much that I can’t stand it. Please, accept my feelings and go out with me! Date me, fall in love with me and marry me! I promise you, if we’re together, things will go back to the way they used to be—no, they’ll be even better! So, please, accept my feelings!”

In Sasuke’s mind, Sakura’s voice becomes Kakashi’s. Karin’s. Naruto’s.

‘ _You only need a reason to hate a person!’_

He knows what they expect of him.

_‘It may not be the same, but… I hope you’ll have this, too, someday, Sasuke.’_

He knows what they want of him.

_‘You already have someone to come home to, after all.’_

What they think is best for him.

_‘A home of your own, with a wife and kids and the whole package!’_

Figures that, maybe… maybe Naruto knows better about _this_ , too.

If Naruto—if all of them believe so strongly that this is the road to follow, then… maybe they’re right. Maybe he should just accept it.

“…All right.”

Sakura perks up, disbelief all over her voice. “Eh, really?! You’ll finally date me, Sasuke-kun?!’

Sasuke shakes his head; shuts his eyes.

He has no interest in playing at romance. Never has.

“Eh? You won’t?” Sakura asks, crestfallen.

_‘I’m counting on you to take care of her, okay, Sasuke?’_

“No,” Sasuke raises his face; eyes set. “I’ll marry you.”

* * *

_Yet, when he thought back to it—to what he and Karin had shared—_

_Sasuke felt he wouldn’t take back what happened between them._

* * *

The wedding feels more like a meeting than a ceremony.

Sakura wanted to go back to Konoha; to see Ino’s surprised face when she announces the news, to organize a big wedding like Naruto’s and Hinata’s.

Konoha was never in Sasuke’s plans.

They marry in the next village they come across. The office is small and they’re wearing their travel clothes, but that suits Sasuke just fine. Despite not being what she hoped for, it seems to be enough for Sakura, too; there are happy tears in her eyes as she signs her name beside Sasuke’s.

The person watching over their marriage proposes to take a commemorative picture, to seal the ceremony. Sakura looks excited at the prospect, but her grin falters when Sasuke shakes his head. The less people that can put a face to his name, the better.

She turns the man’s offer down with a polite smile and follows Sasuke outside.

As they stand under the sun, Sasuke finds that he doesn’t feel any different; isn’t sure if he should.

Inwardly, he wonders how Naruto felt, the day he married the Hyuuga girl. Did he feel as happy as he sounded on his letter? As happy as he looked when Sasuke visited him?

Sakura stares up at him and smiles, impossibly sweet.

“Sasuke-k—No… _my_ _husband_.”

She seems to like the sound of it, because she blushes with delight. “My dear husband, do you think we could stay here tonight? Since it’s our wedding, it’d be nice to sleep on a bed, for a change.”

“All right,” Sasuke accepts. He can do this much for her.

Sakura looks at him expectantly, with an encouraging smile. It takes Sasuke a moment to realize what she wants, but when he does, he sees no harm in indulging her. “…My wife.”

The words feel alien on his tongue, awkward, like clothes that don’t fit; yet Sakura all but squeals with delight. Sasuke figures, then, that if something this simple can make her this happy—he can do this much for her.

Later, when they go to an inn, Sasuke asks for two rooms. Sakura touches his elbow; playfully shakes her head at him before addressing the clerk, “We’ll take one room, please. Right, dear husband?”

He can do this much for her, too.

“…Right. It’s as my wife says.”

His efforts are rewarded with an excited grin, and Sasuke allows himself to relax; to think that maybe, being married to Sakura wouldn’t be so different from being her friend, after all.

That night, Sakura asks for her wedding night.

Sasuke tells himself he can do this much for her, as well.

* * *

_‘Sasuke, are you sure?’_

_Karin had asked, red hair cascading in a curtain around his face. Even in the dim light, Sasuke could notice the fading bite marks on her arms; on her shoulders. Can even recognize his own; a vestige of the first time Karin made him bite her, her warm chakra a respite in the humid coolness of a dirty cave back in Oto._

_He had touched that very same bitemark; had traced it with his fingertips and his eyes before raising his gaze to meet hers._

_‘…Yeah.’_

* * *

Sasuke has never been interested in sex.

The concept was not unknown to him; he was aware of what it entailed. But he had never had any interest in it; derived no pleasure from sporadically needing to relieve himself, the action nothing more than a bothersome, biological need.

He was surprised, then, to find himself sleeping with Karin.

More than that—he was surprised at how naturally it happened. How easy it was to let her take the lead and lose himself in her, as if her body was a road-map he was suddenly keen to read.

It’s different with Sakura.

With the lights out, her hair becomes three shades darker; but not even then does it pass for red. Her eyes aren’t red, either; there’s no fire in them, only nervous affection. His chest doesn’t catch fire; his skin doesn’t burn as it touches hers.

There are no bite marks on her shoulders; no traces of himself.

He isn’t sure if he recognizes the reflection in her gaze.

When her lips seek his, he finds himself turning away.

And inwardly—inwardly, Sasuke wonders why it feels like he has just made a big mistake.

* * *

‘ _How are you feeling, Sasuke?’_

_Karin asked as they laid beside each other. She was turned on her side, watching him curiously. He was laying on his back and watching the ceiling, lost in thought._

_‘…Weird,’ he answered, honest._

_‘Huh. A bad kind of weird?’_

_‘…An unfamiliar kind.’_

_He felt her relax by his side, her hand uncurling where it was resting near his shoulder; only barely grazing it. Touching each other felt different then; more intimate, personal, in a way he wasn’t used to. Or at least, it did to Sasuke. He wondered if Karin felt the same way, or if she was keeping her hands to herself out of respect for him._

_‘I get what you mean. I’m kind of aching all over,’ Karin admitted with a chuckle, and Sasuke felt his lips quirking up despite himself._

_‘Heh.’_

_‘But… I liked it,’ the redhead continued; no embarrassment or shyness in her voice._

_Quietly, Sasuke wondered if he had liked it, too._

_The soreness he felt was different from the exhaustion of a grueling training session, but it wasn’t unpleasant. The bizarre, warm ball of something suspiciously akin to contentment that seemed to have settled in his belly wasn’t unwelcomed, either._

_He surprised himself by thinking he wouldn’t mind getting used to it._

_It’s only when Karin spoke again that Sasuke realized just how dangerous that could be._

* * *

He doesn’t kiss Sakura once.

* * *

_‘Hey, Sasuke.’_

_When Sasuke turned to face her, Karin’s eyes bore into his, as if she were trying to look for something in the very depths of him._

_‘…Will you regret it?’_

* * *

When Sakura tells him she’s pregnant, the world comes to a sudden stop around him.

A child.

_His child._

A child with Sakura.

_An Uchiha child._

He has never wanted to be a father.

_He isn’t ready to be a father._

He doesn’t know how to be a father.

_He doesn’t want to be a father._

The joy in Sakura’s expression soon withers into concern. “Sasuke-kun…?”

Overwhelmed, disoriented— _terrified_ , Sasuke turns on his heels and walks away without saying a word.

* * *

_In the morning, when the sun slipped through the make-shift window and caught on Karin’s hair—Sasuke found himself staring._

_Sasuke remembered that when Karin had lowered herself to him—when she had suddenly become all he could feel, all around him and so impossibly warm—the feeling in his chest had blazed, strong and alive._

_She was soundly asleep, now; mouth half-open and hair sprawled on the pillow like a trail of fire._

_And that same feeling was making him hold his breath; burnt so brightly it took him aback._

_Made him realize that whatever it was—whatever it was that Karin was awakening within him—_

_He was not ready for it._

* * *

The walk helps clear his head.

He finds himself remembering his days as Team 7 a lot; all the times Sakura cried over him, for him, because of him. All the ways he’s hurt her, all the ways he needs to atone for that.

But mostly—mostly, he thinks about Naruto.

He thinks of Naruto growing up alone and unbearably lonely.

Thinks about himself alone on that dock, his heart shriveling with loss and loneliness.

Thinks of Naruto’s letter; of the way he had knowingly, expectantly looked between him and Sakura as they sat on his porch.

_‘It feels… great, to know I will never have to come home to an empty house anymore, y’know? That I truly do have a home of my own, ‘ttebayo.’_

The truth is—Sasuke still isn’t sure if a wife and a child is the kind of home he wants.

The truth is—

_I never asked to be a father._

It’s—

_I don’t love Sakura as a woman._

It’s—

_I probably never will._

Sasuke thinks that maybe it doesn’t matter.

Tells himself that if he can at least make sure the child doesn’t grow up starved of love—the way he and Naruto had—maybe that could be enough.

* * *

_‘What am I to you, huh, Sasuke?!’_

* * *

When he comes back, he finds Sakura sitting on the same spot where he had left her.

If it were anyone but him in his place, Sasuke is sure Sakura’s eyebrows wouldn’t be upturned but frowning instead; her eyes wouldn’t be welling with tears of relief, but with fierce indignation.

Since it’s him, Sakura withers like a flower in a snowstorm; waves away his apology and smiles softly, touching her belly. As if he hadn’t just shown her how he feels about the news. As if he hadn’t just hurt her.

_I’m not good for you,_ is what Sasuke wants to tell her. _You deserve someone who will love you the way you want them to._

But he knows there’s no use.

Deep down, Sakura must be aware of the truth, too.

* * *

_‘What… am I to you?’_

* * *

When it becomes clear Sasuke won’t be staying in Konoha, Sakura doesn’t let him escort her back to the village.

She continues to refuse throughout the upcoming months, despite her growing stomach and how much care it demands from her.

‘ _No way! Now that we’re family, I’m absolutely not leaving your side!’_ , she stubbornly tells him every time, green eyes alight with rightful concern.

Eventually, Sasuke stops asking. He watches over her to the best of his ability; runs slower, stops more, camps less.

But when Sakura doubles over and gasps in pain, they’re in the middle of a forest with no town they can run to.

“Sasuke-kun… I think… the baby is coming,” she grits out with effort, sweat gathering in her brow.

Sasuke is making a portal before he has even realized it; is helping Sakura walk through it, their things forgotten behind them.

Instinctively, Sasuke knows where the portal will take him.

There’s no one else he trusts. Not for this.

* * *

When Sasuke’s chakra manifests out of nowhere, Karin stops dead in her tracks—startled. The effect of his proximity is immediate; her heart picks up speed, reverberates in her ears so loudly she can hardly hear herself think.

_Sasuke…_ his name is a whisper in her mind; a caress. Karin allows herself to feel it for only the briefest of moments before pulling herself together; before letting her eyes shut close and her senses shift to take in Sakura’s chakra.

It’s weakening. Struggling. But it’s not alone.

No, inside it—inside Sakura, there’s another chakra signature; so small, Karin is sure anyone else may have missed it.

That chakra is beating, pulsating—growing stronger by the minute.

_A baby._

It’s her first time sensing the chakra of a pregnant woman, but Karin knows that she is right.

Sakura is pregnant—probably minutes away from giving birth.

The baby can be no one but Sasuke’s.

As Karin turns on her heels and hurries to meet them, she feels many things at once. Concern for Sakura’s state. Bittersweet happiness, because Sasuke has given in; has started to build a family of his own. Melancholy, for what could have been.

But above all—above all, Karin feels anger.

“Sasuke!” she bellows, arms flailing wildly. “What the hell are you doing here?! You should be taking her to a hospital!”

It’s the first time they have seen each other in almost a year—but neither has the time to afford to care. Sakura writhes in pain and Sasuke adjusts his hold on her; makes it so she leans more of her weight against him.

“Karin,” when he looks at her, the urgency in his gaze makes Karin hold her breath. “I need you.”

_‘Come with me, Karin. I need you.’_

Her traitorous heart tries to stir itself alive—starts aching. Longing. Remembering.

Karin tells it to shut up; focuses on keeping her hands steady as she steps beside Sakura and wraps the woman’s other arm around her shoulder. “Come on, let’s get her to the laboratory!”

They help Sakura walk, quickly but steadily.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Karin hisses at Sasuke, glancing up at his profile with furrowed brows and downturned lips.

“…I know,” he agrees, voice heavy with an emotion that wraps around Karin’s heart and squeezes it so tightly that it hurts to breathe.

_Guilt._

“It’ll be alright,” Karin finds herself telling him, aching with sympathy. “Both Sakura and the kid will be fine. I’ll make sure of that.”

“I know.”

When Karin looks at him again, he is staring at her sideways. _I trust you,_ those eyes say.

Karin swallows; nods.

_I know._

* * *

Karin has never delivered a baby before, but she tells herself it can’t be any harder than the experiments Orochimaru’s made her do.

She is half right, at least. The hardest part turns out to be Sakura’s cries of pain, the concern tightening Karin’s belly.

The people Orochimaru used to have her experiment on were always unconscious or dead. Karin never felt more than pity for them; couldn’t allow herself to feel any more than that, not if she wanted to survive.

When the baby’s first cries echo in the room, Karin is so relieved that it’s almost dizzying.

The little girl in her arms is covered in blood, amniotic fluid and some thick, white substance Karin can’t remember the name of. Despite that, Sasuke’s eyes and nose are impossible to miss.

Tears prickle Karin’s eyelids.

“Hey there, little one,” she whispers to the baby, lightly rocking it in her arms to ease its crying before walking over to Sakura. The woman’s face is covered in sweat and tears, but the moment her eyes lay on her daughter, happiness breaks like sun rays across her face.

“She’s so beautiful,” she whispers with adoring disbelief, and when Karin lays the baby in her arms, Sakura catches her hand and gives it a grateful, heartfelt squeeze. “Thank you _so_ much, Karin-san.”

Karin squeezes back but shakes her head lightly, a sincere smile on her lips. “No, thank _you_ ”.

She isn’t sure if Sakura understands why she’s thanking her, or if she even wants her to. She’s glad when the pink-haired girl doesn’t press, turning her attention back to her daughter instead.

“My little baby,” Sakura coos, nuzzling the little girl’s cheek with her own. “My and Sasuke-kun’s baby... I love you so much already.”

Happy tears fall from her green eyes, which slowly begin to close, the exhaustion getting to her at last. Carefully, softly, Karin takes the baby and brushes Sakura’s bangs away so they won’t stick to her forehead.

“Have some rest, Sakura. I’ll clean her up for you.”

“She should… meet her papa…” the other woman murmurs before falling asleep, a content smile on her lips.

As Karin washes the baby with a clean cloth, Orochimaru’s words somehow find their way back to her.

_‘If you give away so much of yourself without taking anything back… you’ll end up empty.’_

Karin snorts, the tears only now freely falling.

_I knew he was full of shit_.

She may have given her heart, her body, her soul—but she is far from empty.

She is filled with gratitude for Sakura. With love for Sasuke.

With adoration for the little, black-haired girl in her arms.

And Karin knows, then—

_It was worth it._

* * *

‘ _What… am I to you?’_

* * *

When the door to the laboratory finally opens, Karin walks out with a bundle in her arms.

Sasuke knows what it is at once, but a part of himself has trouble believing it.

“Sakura’s asleep, but she wanted you to meet her,” Karin explains in quiet tones, walking closer to him.

“Her?”

Karin glances down at the bundle, a genuine smile on her face. “It’s a girl. You have a daughter, Sasuke.”

Sasuke doesn’t know what to say to that. Doesn’t know how he feels; not any better than he did eight months ago, when he first learned the news.

“How’s Sakura?”

“She lost some blood but I gave her a transfusion. Your wife will be fine.”

_Your wife._ Through the months, Sasuke has slowly become used to referring to Sakura in such terms. Yet, hearing them coming from Karin’s lips makes them sound just as alien as they had felt, the first time he said them aloud.

Sasuke pretends not to notice it. Focuses his attention elsewhere; on something far simpler. Safer.

“…Thanks, Karin.”

“Tch. You seriously never stop giving me trouble, do you?” despite her complaints, there’s no bite in her voice; no annoyance on her face.

Somewhere inside his chest, that same old feeling flickers back to life; slow and steady.

Enduring.

Sasuke ignores it. Turns a blind eye to it the same way he always does, whenever Karin passes through his mind.

Maybe Karin can tell. Maybe something in his chakra gives him away, because she is suddenly pushing the baby towards him.

“Here, hold her.”

Instinctively, Sasuke leans a little further against the wall. He has never held a baby before—doesn’t have two arms to help him do it right.

“Karin—”

“It’s fine, I won’t let her fall! Come on, hold your arm out,” Karin instructs, as stubborn as always. Against his better judgement, Sasuke does as he’s told; lets his one arm slip out of his cloak and then press against his chest. Slowly, carefully, Karin comes to him and places the baby on the crook of his arm. “Careful with her head,” she warns him, one hand grabbing his forearm and positioning it just right.

Karin’s warmth is distracting; but not as much as the baby in his arm. At last, Sasuke allows himself to look at its face. It looks so small, so incredibly fragile. Sasuke has a hard time believing it’s alive.

The baby stirs—as if it wants to prove him wrong. Stirs and draws in a little breath, eyelids parting just enough to give him a glimpse of its black eyes—and Sasuke’s own widen.

A girl.

A daughter.

_My daughter._

Sasuke never imagined himself having a child; yet, here she is. Undeniably his. To protect. To cherish.

He just wishes he knew how.

“So, you gonna tell me her name?”

Karin’s question almost startles him. Sasuke wordlessly looks at her and the redhead frowns, not missing a beat. “Huh? Don’t tell me you and Sakura haven’t thought of one yet!”

His silence is confirmation enough. Karin shakes her head, incredulous.

“You two are unbelievable, Sasuke! So, what are you naming her?”

He must look as lost as he feels, because Karin snorts. “Come on, what does she look like to you? Another ‘Sakura’? Heh, I bet she’s gonna grow up to look just like you! How about ‘Sasuko’?”

Sasuke glares half-heartedly at her obvious teasing, “ _No_.”

His reaction gets a chuckle from Karin. It’s rare to see her in such a good mood, so he lets her be. Focuses his attention on the little girl in his arms instead, wondering what her name should be. How do parents choose names? How had his done it?

With a start, Sasuke remembers Mikoto smiling sweetly down at him; her fingers gently threading through his hair.

_‘We named you Sasuke after a great ninja from the Sarutobi clan, so you may grow up to be a shinobi as splendid as he was.’_

_‘What if I was a girl?’_ he had asked her half-curiously through a yawn; the touch of his mother’s hands so comforting, it was lulling him to sleep.

_‘Your father was hoping for a boy, so we never decided on a name…’_ Mikoto had confessed, her warm voice growing somewhat thoughtful. ‘ _But if you were born a girl, I think I would have liked—'_

“…Sarada.”

“Huh?”

“…Her name is Sarada.”

_Sarada… Sarada Uchiha. My daughter._

He is almost surprised at the way his chest throbs with fondness, but the feeling is not unwelcome. It beats warmly, comfortably.

Not unlike the way he feels, when Karin stands near.

“Your dad’s a bit of a prick,” Karin starts suddenly, breaking the amiable silence. She leans towards Sarada; softly pokes her nose, “But he’s a good guy. Be patient with him, all right, Sarada-chan?”

There’s palpable affection in Karin’s voice. It makes Sasuke shake his head, his eyes narrow thoughtfully as he looks down at Sarada.

“…I don’t know if I can be a good father.”

Karin’s gaze grows knowing; understanding. “You’ll be fine, Sasuke. You’re not alone, remember? Sakura will help you through it.”

Sasuke doesn’t know if that will be enough. Doesn’t know what kind of father a man like he can be; not when he still has so much to learn, so much to atone for. Yet, alongside the uncertainty, there’s another feeling nesting inside his chest.

Hope.

He may not know how to be a father. May never learn to be one. But, at least, no matter what—

_…I’ll keep you safe, Sarada._

This, he can promise her.

Sarada makes a little sound in reply, warm and alive.

Someone draws in a shuddering breath.

He doesn’t realize it’s Karin until she speaks.

“I’m… happy for you, Sasuke. I really am.”

With surprise, Sasuke realizes there are unleashed tears gathering in her red eyes. He can’t remember the last time he saw Karin this close to crying; can’t ignore the way he freezes, unable to do anything but look at her in astonishment.

Karin narrows her eyes at him in response; takes off her glasses and furiously wipes off her eyes with her sleeve.

“ _Don’t_ ,” she hisses through gritted teeth, as if she fears that Sasuke will comment on what he is seeing; as if Sasuke’s mind hasn’t just slowed to a halt, at a loss of what to think. Of what to say. Of what to feel.

His silence seems to encourage her, because Karin continues; one arm still covering her eyes. “After all the shit you went through… you _deserve_ to be happy, Sasuke. You and I… we may not be a team anymore, but…”

It takes Karin a long moment to raise her face; but when her stare meets his, her eyes betray everything.

“…No matter what you do, I’ll always be hoping for your happiness.”

She’s smiling, soft and open like a bruise. Sasuke’s breath hitches in his throat.

In all the years he has known her, in all the months he has been aware of her feelings—he doesn’t think they have ever been clearer to him than they are then, at that very moment.

_‘No matter what you do from here on out, know this... I will love you always.’_

His brother had told him; one last gift before he left his side forever.

Sasuke finds the same feeling in Karin’s eyes, now.

Sasuke wonders how he could have missed it before. How he could have overlooked it when he saw glimpses of them so many times before.

When he regained consciousness after being impaled by Madara and found Karin hovering over him, dirt and tear-tracks covering her cheeks. When Karin demanded him to bite her, face twisted in urgency and concern. When Karin scooted close to him, cheeks red and eyes hooded.

When she looked at him and told him, _‘…But I won’t hold it against you, if it’s not the same for you.’_

_That’s right…_

Through it all, no matter what he’s done—Karin has loved him.

She still loves him, now.

And he— _Sasuke_ —

The nameless feeling springs to life in his chest; makes longing spread through him like wind through an empty room.

Feels an urge to speak the words he lacks. An urge to feel. To find out.

To touch her again.

But he can’t.

He only has one arm left, and it’s holding his daughter.

His daughter with Sakura.

Whatever it is—whatever it is that Karin makes him feel—

Sasuke gave up on the right to find out a long time ago.

_This is the way things must be_ , he tells himself—and he knows it to be true.

So Sasuke gives her the only thing he has left to offer her; the one answer that has always been hers.

He leans forward and lets his forehead rest against Karin’s.

“I don’t regret it,” he mutters, honest. “…I never did.”

When the meaning of his words dawns on Karin, Sasuke feels her shudder against him; can hear her swallow, feel her clench her jaw.

“Moron, who cares about that now?” she hisses with a thread of a voice, but Sasuke knows better than to believe her. Only trusts the way she leans her forehead back against his; the way there’s a smile in her voice as she whispers, “…Neither did I.”

_…I know._

* * *

_‘What… am I to you?’_

_Karin had asked him, a lifetime ago._

* * *

“You all right, Sakura?”

Sakura looks startled for a second, but she’s quick to give Karin a reassuring smile. “I’m fine! It’s just…” she trails off, eyes traveling to her lap again.

“What is it?” Curious, Karin approaches the bed Sakura is sitting on.

“I think… I’d like you to have this, Karin-san,” Sakura explains, offering the redhead a small box.

Karin can only blink, stunned and thoroughly confused. “Huh? Whatcha talking about? The mother’s supposed to keep this, remember?”

“I know, but…” Sakura’s smile widens a fraction, yet all Karin can find in her eyes and chakra is melancholy.

“I get the feeling that… it’s thanks to you that Sarada is here. In more ways than one.”

Karin wants to protest, but Sakura is standing up and placing the umbilical cord in her hands before she can. She wraps both of their hands around it and gives the redhead a mystifying smile, “Thank you, Karin-san.”

There’s a knot in Karin’s throat. She forces herself to swallow it, just like she had swallowed her heart the day she let Sasuke go.

“You really _are_ crazy, did ya know that?!”

Karin pushes the other woman towards Sarada’s improvised crib; the umbilical cord an unfamiliar weight in her hand.

“Now come on, stop wasting time! Your husband’s waiting, after all!”

* * *

_Sasuke thinks he has an inkling of the answer, now._

* * *

“Take care of them, Sasuke.”

The four of them stand in the entrance of the hideout. The portal that will take Sasuke and his family to Konoha is ready and waiting for them to step in.

Sakura stands by Sasuke’s side, Sarada wrapped in a blanket and safely held in her arms.

“I will,” Sasuke promises. “See ya, Karin,” he adds, almost out of habit.

Karin opens her mouth, closes it. Then, she shakes her head faintly, as if to herself.

“Goodbye, Sasuke,” she tells him, lips stretching into a smile. It’s the first time in years that Sasuke has seen her smile in such a way; eyes open and teeth showing.

It pulls at something in his chest, reminds him of a little girl sprawled on the grass and struggling to look at him; hair as red as the flames of a katon, eyes as crimson as the crest on his back, cheeks as reddish as the creases on his mother’s palms.

Just like then, the sight steals something from him. Makes a thought run through his mind—unprompted, unbidden.

_Pretty._

Sasuke faintly acknowledges it and tucks it away, alongside all the things that will never be given a name.

“…Yeah.”

He nods at Karin. Turns away and towards the portal. Towards Sakura. Towards his daughter. Towards his future.

Behind him, his _could’ve been_ stands; tall and chiseled in his colors. No more than another lost chance, from a life long gone.

* * *

… _The woman I could have loved._

* * *

He doesn’t look back.

.

.

.

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_   
_Anywhere I would've followed you_   
_Say something, I'm giving up on you_   
_Say something_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me, or this was emotionally exhausting?
> 
> Honestly, I'm so relieved to finally get this chapter off my chest! It's been in the works for so long but it ended up being much more challenging than I anticipated. Particularly because Sasuke wanted to rebel against his canon fate and I had to fight him every step of the way.
> 
> My take on Sasuke and Sakura's marriage is based on The Gaiden, which made me revise my original outline for this fic (ironically, my version of their union was much kinder than what we got in canon.) I hope it rings true to the way Kishi wrote them.
> 
> Up next: the years before the Gaiden are defined by letters and puzzling visits and questions Karin can't bring herself to ask. On the upside: Suigetsu and Juugo make their much awaited (and needed) return.


End file.
